expect the unexpected.

2008-07-25T22:00:00.001+08:00

bye blogger!
changed over to livejournal.

www.glins.livejournal.com!(:

2008-07-25T09:42:00.002+08:00

& everytime i thought i was fine, it just keep stumbling down again.

the cold the chill the distance.
everything everything.
yes, its all gone.
i can only reminisence.
the roller coaster rides.
too much ups and downs is just draining me.
and i have started to lose myself in the ride.
but all i need now is to remind myself.
i cant be distracted anymore.
i need to set the priorities right.
no matter how deep the cut is,
somehow it will still heals.
smile cos it happen somehow.
and also i must learn to appreciates wad im given.

fren says im too stress which result in me eating way too much.
i tink so too and i guess im hurting my poor gastrics.
cos its either i eat alot or i don eat at all.
it just goes with the moods im havin for that day
and i know very well it doesnt do me any good!

i tink i need the beach to keep me sane.
i wan to stay there for as long as possible
the serenity the calm the sea.
just the right things to keep me sane.

im alil lost as to what the future holds
the place i am at.
doesnt makes me a smart person cos i have dreams.
dreams areonly dreams.
i will only the smart person when i can make this dreams come true!

2008-07-23T09:55:00.002+08:00

& if you dont know me now,i doubt you ever will.

seriously,the way im acting currently is so redundent.
or rather NO SENSE!
nothing else matters for im the only one taking it seriously.
it takes two hands to clap.
my hands are tired already luhs!(pun intended)

i read them again
and it brought smiles for that moment.
and i went to sleep.
wake up its another day(:
if only anyone understand wad im trying to say!

2008-07-22T09:47:00.003+08:00

;well,everything is different now but i guess its okay.

i really missed the times.
if only things didnt turn out this way.

2008-07-21T15:45:00.002+08:00

chest aches,back aches, head aches!
so many aches.
i so wanna slp already luhs!!
not enuff not enuff not enuff of slp luhs!):

& one day one fine day,we will all see the light as to how things happen.
but for now im still confused luhs):

2008-07-20T18:14:00.003+08:00

& now we all know, weakness shown for it never changes.

had a really bad bad day.
foul mood bad mood.
nobody deserves my cold treatment when its all about myself.
cant seems to find ways to vent them out.
or rather i did during driving.
had a slight bump on the head.
all thanks to that bus!
that split seconds i swear i could have just burst out crying.
but i didnt.
instructor was fierce and i get scoldings for that whole 100mins.
what a day.
i felt like giving it all up but then again,wheres the zest and enthusiasm i had?
i shouldnt and i cannot give up luhs!
but im really scared luhs.
NVM NVM!
things will get better in time.
more practices.!(:

time is the answers to everything.
i have been thru much more.
this aint breaking me down!
i will survive!(:

2008-07-19T09:29:00.006+08:00

& yes, im sick AGAIN

for the past few weeks of attachment,
i have been getting sick.
have been taking way too many MC-s.
why are all the virus in my body.
i hate it.
from high fever to gastrics to food posioning to cramps
now wads with me again.
flu sore throat cough and nauseous.
i wonder wads really wrong with me.
i hate medications for they make me drowsy.
they make me feel so weak.
had antibotics and now i feel like vomitting.
flu pills makes me sleepy
i wished i can jus stay home to slp instead of stayin here in the office.
havin my colleague callin and telling me she will be late.
and i gotta create the XBRL file again for client.
):
i wan some pamperings luhs!!!!!):

Once upon a time there lived a girl. She slept in a lovely little cottage made of gingerbread and candy. She was always asleep. One morning she woke up, and the candy had mold on it. Her father blew her a kiss and the house fell down. She realized she was lost. She found herself walking down a crowded street, but the people were made of paper, like paper dolls. She blew everyone a kiss goodbye, and watched as they blew away.
SPANK KISS and GOODBYES!(:

im being so random luhs!
i cant get to sleep!
and im singing like a MAN now.
WAHAHAHS!
sings * WHEREEVER YOU WILL GOOOOOO*
and i so hate my hair now!
grow grow grow!
BLACK BLACK BLACK!
LONG LONG LONG!
on a sidenote,my dress is finally arriving soon soon
anticipating!better not be a disappointment.
and now i regret not getting my elmo jacket!!BOOHOO!):

i wished i could tell you but the words got stuck.
this hanging nowhere feeling aint making me feel good.
i don wanna ignore neither do i wan to avoid.
but i just dono where to start.
guess time is the factor for us to realise everything.
no rush no hurry. its still a long journey.
be happy and i will be happy too
thanks for everything!(:

2008-07-17T20:27:00.002+08:00

& im so bored now!
theres nothing i can do luhs.
loaded some songs into my itouch.
but it has been floodin with cheena songs luhs.
i wan more english songs.
i put my phone in the room
set it to ringin mode but i doubt it will ring at all!):
sms buddy where are you luhs?
imu can?!

/editted.
im happy again!(:
my fone rang!!!
sms buddy texted me!!whees!(:

2008-07-17T09:15:00.002+08:00

& many a time i realised, the words just got stuck.

sometimes i wonder if i know way too much.
maybe i dont really know alot ,
but the amount of things i know is enough to make me think quite alot.

sometimes i din voice out doesnt mean it doesnt bothers me.
all i wanna is things to be simpler,happier.

sometimes,sometimes,sometimes.
sometimes i jus wanna slp thru the whole day long.
letting the time pass me by.
pat me to slp,and stay by side.

2008-07-16T09:40:00.002+08:00

there are so many things i wanna do luhs.
4 more weeks to the end of IAP
i so wanna tan gym swim!
i no longer fancy shopping sprees.
but jus wanna lose loads of fats!

i feel like e meatball!
*pouts*

2008-07-13T17:14:00.006+08:00

& fairytale always vanished into thin air when the clock strikes twelve.

the sea breeze,the beach,the fireworks,the stars.
just the perfect spot the perfect timing.
everything jus seems so perfect.
but everything has to come to a full stop
just like how fireworks only stays in the sky for that split seconds.

these few days i seems to be battling against myself against my emotions.
i guess its just me that making everythings seems so tiring.
my mood swings like nobody business. high low high low
so fast till i cant grasp the time to just allow myself to breathe rite.
every night i just toss and turn on bed hoping that my mind will just rest.
but its just aint the case for me now. i take some time before i slumber into my lala land.
and the nxt day i wake up feeling uber grouchy.
i dont like this feeling at all.

i will be fine soon soon soon.
cos attachment is ending (:
4 more weeks!

/PS: i hate my hair now!!):
i wan back my long long fringe to cover my right eyes!!):

the words you breathed in my ears.
simple words that makes me happy from deep within.
i trust wad u say and i believe you do.
there nth you have to be apologetic towards.
you alway managed to bring a smile to me.
it has been lingering for a long time.
so long till i forget when i started.
for i have been avoiding it.
at least for now im brave enuff to face the reality.
the truth that i care alot abt you.
seeing you happy is the most precious gift i can ever received from you.
nothing changes everything remains the same
but i believe you will always be here and so will i,
just stayin by your side making sure youre fine.

my bittersweet addiction.3/<

2008-07-12T10:23:00.001+08:00

everytime i try to speak the words get stuck.
trust me its just a matter of time.

zxd mine(:

2008-07-10T17:07:00.003+08:00

im bored im bored im bored im bored
i guess im really bored at home.
im supposed to be at work typing ACRA files but i didnt!
i woke up with stupid cramps and dizzy spells and head back to bed.
received sms-es replied and shortly as i slowly slumber back into my lala land.
i heard construction works noise ! gosh that spoils my slping mode luhs.
went to the doc just to get the stupid MC and it cost me thirty three buckeroos.
somemore the doc says its very good for cramps!HAHAHS!
online-ed till now.

and becos im bored.
i tried to cook!
yes COOK! but it was a failed attempt i would say.
mummy dearest forgot to tell me tt i have to put MSG and salt into the rice when im cookin it.
the whole result turn out bland and i throw the whole bowl of fried rice away.
cravings for ice cream but guess my sister finished them.
cooking is tiring luhs. i gave up cooking when my mum ask me to cook again for dinner.
i chosed take-aways now but i really missed her cookings.

cooking makes me tired and i started to laze around but shortly later.
i got bored once more.!!!!!!!
this time round i chose to cut my own hair.
okay not really my hair but trim the split ends luhs.
because this head of hair i got is growing way slower than i thought .
and i mean real slowly!! i wan to have long nice nice hair luhs!
i still rmb i told evon i want to buy hair growth shampoo.
she asked me to go yunnam!-.-

on a side note,im going steamyboaty tml after work.
meet ups with giodarnians
so miss them much.

im really happy for you evon darling.
no matter what happen,anything changes.
i wil always be there for you.
no matter how tough, i will still open the umbrella to shelter you and estee!(:
cos gd things come in threes.
love you two most aplenty

*promise me you wont and you cannot!

2008-07-07T21:47:00.000+08:00

this ordeal is taking it toil.

everything i wished to breathe out the gentlest words,it just gt stuck.
jus how long later can i be able to bring forth to you the feelings within.
this time the table has changed.

2008-07-04T10:28:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRINCESS EVON!(:
much loves and im sure so going to treat u like my lil princess later on!(:
i love you much.
rmb our nxt taiwan trip.
shopping shopping gossiping gossiping and heart to heart talks.
i simply love u darling!(:

2008-06-29T22:22:00.003+08:00

&maybe its just me,couldnt you believe.

had my first driving lesson today!
uber coolness with nice instructor.
more to come. i swear i wanna be on the driver seat in no time.

its amazing how things turned out to be.
i like it this way.
one day i will conquer them all.
trust me show me some faith.

saw the pic seen the nick.
if whats interpreted right.
i wished you well.

2008-06-22T20:53:00.003+08:00

& if my paper heart is yours to keep,tell me what you gonna do about it.

have you ever wondered how humans are such ironical animal.
we always seems to be blaming the whole damm world for almost EVERYTHING.
but when we lose the things we alway wanted, the blames just gradually turns into REGRETS.
i knew it for sure, it wasnt my insecuritites neither the way people perceived how i tink .
it was ME. solely just me and nothing else.
ego aside for i have long swept mine down the long kang a year back.
it was the fact that when i see beautiful smiles,glowing happiness.
and i realised im stuck within myself.
always trying my best to back out cos i see myself in this world as the biggest mistake.
i wished i could walk out of this standpoint but i need assurance at least just alittle.
to at least makes me feel better.
but frequent reminders have been pulling me back to the back street alley.
its so dark in there not even a torch could do the trick.
i knew it very well i cant afford to make another mistake.

dont even know to whom can i make my feelings known.
i cant string out the most suitable string of words to bring out the true blue feelings.
within the smiles the laughters,insecurities fold in.
many a time i thought i was acertain this is the outcome which i wan
but at times i just got pull away from it.
its not that it has been scaled down to big zero,
in fact, you have slowly gaining the points
so slowly i lost track of the scores now.
and i know it very well,
miss the ride and it will never comes back again,
hopes,ive put them all down.
cos i know im afraid.
maybe this is the best solution.
stay as it is until one fine day.
regrets fold in again and moving on is another lessons to be attended.
but at least to me i alway believe some things will stay if i hold it tight.
let it go,skip a beat or two..
it will just be flown away and never be back.
only happy moments stays on.
what in the world am i doing?
what answers should i give myself.
the story just doesnt have a definate ending anymore.

2008-06-19T21:55:00.003+08:00

everyday passes me by like bullet train
theres no way i can actually stop and sit down and think ahead.
but the moment i start to think ahead.
i get scared cos my future seems like in a mess.
everything seems to be a blur for me.
im pretty much messed up currently.

~~if the song depicts wad you wanna say,~~
~~what is the song i should play it back to you.~~
~~im thankful yet helpless.~~

2008-06-13T17:30:00.002+08:00

i have jus completed my third week of attachment,
of which i took 2 days mc during the third week.
fell ill suddenly with a bombing 39 degrees fever.
the feeling was madness but the concerns were warming.
but now i cant wait to finish my attachment and go back sch to study luhs.
i so wanna go to lectures and tutorials.
or rather sleeping in lectures luhs!!!LOLS.

oh ya ,i tink i shud jus close down my blog luhs.
it seems like im not updatin at all.
not tt i don have anything to update but rather..
i dono how to string them up into words luhs.
so forget it luhs.
haahs!
till then pple..

and YES. since i was sick.i slept for 24 hrs luhs!!!WAHAHHAHAHS!(:

2008-05-31T09:06:00.002+08:00

after 1pm today i will have completed my first week of attachment.
one word to describe- BORING
din even noe why am i doin accounts now when im an engine student.
but wadever it is.. 11 more weeks and im off for the holiday.
but on a side note. im only workin from 9 to 5
thats not all thou.
my incharge come in to work at 945 or latest 10.
so im left to rot from 9 to 10.
and the clasic thing that she said to me was: when u reach,just on the lappie to surf the net.
im like WAD?but owell..this has been my routine for almost a week.
gotta TAHAN!!!

this years bday falls on the attachment day.
its kinda boring. and i don anticipate it anymore.
owell. its just another year im going older.
but its the darlings who make an effort to celebrate for me that makes me happy.

a year ago i tot i was the happiest girl
a year later someone was missing but i believe i wil still be that happy girl!(:

2008-05-21T23:56:00.002+08:00

currently have been brain-dead luhs

i just cant find any inspirations to write my reports luhs.

am on my way to the end of my FYP luhs.

thats how glad i am.VERY indeed.

im glad that thru out this 12 weeks

i gained new frens(:

never to be forgotten.

i will be off for my IAP

macpherson is gonna be my 2nd home!

wonder how things will go in that company.

pray jus pray.

on a sidenote.

can i have surprises this year pretty please DARLINGs(:

alright im really dead beat.

byes earthlings.

hit the hay and rush my report and aes tml!

and say BYEBYE to FYP!(:

2008-05-15T09:27:00.002+08:00

time to be awoken from the long lost dream.

guess its really time to wake up from the dream long lost luhs.
someone was talking to me makin all the words that i once knew made sense.
somehow i really think i should really really wake up luhs.
i had enough of grievings enough of self reproaching.
its time for a change cos human are brought up in this way.
we are brought up in a way since we were babies.
we always choose to look for nicer and beautiful things that makes us smile make us happy
its a cycle and a lesson learnt since young luhs.
if it hurts,if it hurts so bad that we cant live our life properly.
LET GO
two words comprising of five letters.
looks simple yet it takes alot of courage to adhere to it.
but i guess keep harbouring on the once shared memories,
yet this time around its only been held by me myself.
its not goin to make sense.
NOT AT ALL
afterall it always takes TWO hands to clap.
i knew forgettin will never be the solution cos its never easy to do so
and its never in one's dictionary to forget things(mine especially)
what i can do now is just to let go of the things dear to me once.
put them aside since they make me sad.
move on chin up and live life happily.

i guess its time i wake up from being a wilful daughter alr.
the many times my mother felt helpless in helping me.
yet seeks solution but due to my stubborness and wilfulness.
i always chose to shut her out of my world,
doing things that hurt her.it has been for long and to atone to the things i did.
it wil take a lifetime.
but im willing to try and fulfil the role of an elder daughter.

2008-05-13T22:20:00.003+08:00

somethings are just surfacing so fast that i find it hard to grasp.
as much as i convince myself that everything is just part and parcel of life.
at times i still chose to feign ignorance in the things that are happening.
i miss the innocent old past but somehow everything just gotta be left behind as footprints.
i dono why am i whining here when i noe very well i shud accept it luhs.
i look back and realised i had always been living jus contented.
its never fufillin at all for i always chose to regret it in the aftermaths.
theres nothing wrong with being just contented.
but its smth very wrong when u do things which u will regret in the end.
i learnt alot from the past lesson.
something i wished i had the chance to make up for it.
but yaps.
its over and at times i really wonder why do i have to use mockeries to atone to the pain i always face.

i never know i gotta learn expensive lessons to learn.
damm linlin

2008-05-11T14:46:00.002+08:00

get me an oxygen tank please please!
i swear im going to die soon lahs.
okok. not that im seriously gonna die but the headaches wil kill luhs.
the dono wad thing tt the uncle my dad asked to come is paintin some pungent thing
(something alike to glue) on my hse door.
and it stinks like &^%^$@#$$^&(*_
ir eally dono why there are people who wenta sniff glue.
hahas!YES YES!
sniff glue get high and die FAST!

okays the pungent thing aside.
(im currently like holdin a small towel over my nose but it doesnt help when the wind is blowing)
i have been procastinating to do my project since i reached home from my lunch which is so ONION!
hahas.. my dad practically ordered every dish and they had onions on them.
and i mean its like eating onion only lahs!
the amount of onion is more than the food lahs.
and i asked dad to order another plate of the same dish WITHOUT ONION and it taste better.
then then home cos sis having exams tml and i wan to have my project done.
(apparently i haven start doing it cos im blogging!)
so yaps on the computer i started thinking what do i wanna do luhs.
im seriously such a no-lifer ever since fyp started can.
and im goin to continue being a no-lifer for the nxt three months when IAP start.
i so wanna go to the beach lahs!
-have a nice tan enjoy the sea breeze from day till evening.
-i wan PINIC LAHS.
haahs.
actually there are so many things i wanna do luhs.
date me luhs people.
weekends im free !!HAHAHS
its so ironic luhs when im free on weekends nobody seems to be free for me!!!):

yes yes!SMACK THAT LINLIN
go get ur project done.!(:

2008-05-10T21:44:00.002+08:00

just today i met three nuisances.
first at the traffic light then the second and third time is on the bus.
i totally am sick and tired of public transport luhs.
that explains why im so wanna go get a license.
i noe petrol is costly but still.. i cant wait to get my hands on those steering wheel.
yeah baby. nxt year new year i will be the one driving!!(:
prays hard.

OHYA! i swear by hook or by crook,im NOT going to go bugis on a sat.
its damm bloody PACKED lahs.
totally hate the fact tt pple is squeezing here and there.
i guess its the crowd fright i got when i was workin on weekends at LP luhs.
or i guess it must be fyp tts making me so tired and grumpy.
im so gonna join daniel to live in the rubbish bin luhs.
lets be oscar the grouch.!
grouchy grouchy but i guess i still prefer elmo luhs.

read thru my past testimonials from frenster.
i certainly miss the times spent in the past luhs.
i miss the people who came by my life throughout the past.
was talkin to serene last night over dinner.
i certainly do miss alot of things.
but somehow somethings are jus amiss.
i dono wad is it but its just lacking.
crap mans.
i wanted to type down alot but now i really forget luhs.
okok..
shall go do my proj luhs.
byeS!(:

2008-05-08T22:01:00.003+08:00

seriously i have been gettin the i-dread-going-school kinda mood alr luhs.
i totally have no mood to go luhs.
i guess the moments i got transferred up to level 5
and no more discipline..
i will SKIP school more often lahs!
cos no attendence.
but tt doesnt mean i don do my project luhs.
in fact i tink im more attentive at home den in school.
opps.
never mind.
determined lin be determined
*constant chanting it luhs*

2 weeks more to end of fyp.
3 more weeks to ftt.(yes,i so wanna pass it at first attempt and va va vroom i go to learn driving)
4 more weeks to my birthday.(gonna be old.)
HAHS.

my bday wish.?
plain stupidity i wud say.
ahhs.CRAP.
im just tired alr!HAHAS
maybe u kind souls can start booking me.
make me feel love love love.
shower me with gift gift gifts!

2008-05-07T18:02:00.002+08:00

words kill
words emote thy deepest feelings.
all these while being hidden beneath the dark side.
i guess its really time to stay determined
do wad i wan be happy with wad i do
2 more weeks plus to liberation.
hehes.
den off to attachment.
briefing on 21stmay i guess..
faster over luhs.
i miss studyin time.

gosh.
i kip skippin sch.
headaches are alway haunting me luhs!):

2008-05-01T16:04:00.002+08:00

pain at the reflection

i throw in the white flag and surrender.
the feelings so deep i really cannot take it anymore.
for a moment i totally hate quitting the job.
the only job which can make me feel that im worthwhile,despite it all.
been long since i ever felt peace deep within.
the feeling of being neglected.
sometimes i do question why at one moment of life i got everything that i could ever ask.
and the next it just got swept away.
i lost the most important person who can make me feel worthwhile.
the moment that person left,all the shits flows with it.
many a time i wished to make a stand but it jus got stucked there.
the problems that i faced seems shallow to many yet it meant a great deal to me.
the tormenting hurt i faced nobody will ever be able to understand.
at times i really just wished to hide at one corner and cry my hearts out.
but it makes me wonder again..
whats the point of crying when nobody bothers.
the very first time i cried myself silly at that void deck.
does anyone even know how much pain it carries with every teras that rolled down.
the second time i really cried real deep again.
at the corner of the school. the stairways.
the echos of my cries reflects just how much i yearn for someone to really care.
the third time i cried real hard.
that night after the heated arguments the reprimandings from them.
i swear im goin to go crazy if things go on this way.
i really thinks that something is not goin right within me.
one moment i binge on food the next i chose to starve myself.
inferiority complex blends in and all i see is failures in myself.
what is really goin on in me.
don tell me every problem can be solved one by one.
if i bother to talk things out.
don tell me everything is just very simple.
when i just don understand why do i get treated this way.
it has been there since last june.
going to be a year when all the shits flow by.
tell me how to trust the fact tt problems can be solved.
i used to think this way but now i guess the moments i stop making my stand.
i gave up.
see that I GIVE UP!

2008-04-29T20:45:00.001+08:00

its that time of the month again.

totally hate it luhs.

and for the very first time.

i get serious mood swings.

like totally bitchy kind of mood swings.

i believe fyp project has got to be blame for it.

every single day i jus dragged myself up from bed

wash up and den drag my feet to go to schoolfor the routinal 830 to 6 FYP

i don even know wad am i doing now.

reading reading doing doing flippin thru the notes given.

i seek no help from anyone.

not that nobody help but nobody is able to help.

i really am tired.im tired of walkin aimlessly yet again.

yes i meant again cos i have always been stepping in and out of the circle.

BLOODY HELLA SHIT!

tml will be better i believe.

at least i noe people who can brighten up my day.

on a sidenote. FYP is ending in 3 weeks time more.

pros and cons i would say.

pros being i would be liberated

cons as i might not be able to hand up the whole damm project.

sighs.

off to toodle with the whole damm project again.

i swear for once im THAT hardworking!):

its always the case.
home and all i get is hot and cold
treatment.
how long can i survive.
keeping mum doesnt do any good anymore.
i got maligned for showing attitude.
what in the world have i done wrong,
i really questioned.
everyone is stress .
nobody in the whole damm roof noes wads in store for me.
they just know i should not show my temper around.
cos they face more stress and burden .
but take alook at me.
everyone realised and knew the tremendous torment and stress i face.
all i can do is to complement with their seasons changing mood.
im also human. and im pretty much a sensitive human.
i cant take stress i admit and i cant tolerate all the stupid craps.
one day i will just give up pleasing everyone.
leave me alone luhs.

2008-04-27T20:48:00.002+08:00

blogged changed!
ask me for more!(:

2008-04-25T16:14:00.002+08:00

i love WANXIN much much<3

*WANXIN see see ur name here. plus foto!(:

2008-04-24T10:24:00.000+08:00

the motivation to go to school get lesser each day.
i don like to feel that im wasting my time.
doin every single thing over and over again.
not knowing which is right or wrong.
nobody to blame but for the lucks of mine.

situation is gettin worst and i really dono where to run.
but if one day things got seriously out of hand.
i might jus pack up my bag and leave everything.
she wans it that way den i let her have her way.
for nothing i do is ever right in her eyes.
been thinking of stupid things that will harm myself.
yet think about it.wads the point.

2008-04-21T10:49:00.004+08:00

so much feeling so much to say.

if only anyone could change their place with me

and see how much im going thru.

i chose to keep quiet in everything

but that doesnt meant

im not bothered by it.

im just tired.

i will just leave this blogosphere.

til then pple.

2008-04-19T21:46:00.003+08:00

theres always a reason behind everything i do

*i mean it*

seriously theres a reason why i don talk at home.

in fact nobody would believe that i kept total silent at home

when im like a loudspeaker when im out.

it has been long since i heard complains about money

i quited my job cos of my back.

i bet i would have continued working

if my back din get worst.

i don like to get extra money from my dad.

i don like the feeling of having to use his money.

i earnfor wad i wan.

i gain the independence way back.

but now im crippled once more.

all becos of my back.

had it not becum worst.

first its the muscles around the spinal cord.

now its the bone itself.

i chosed to keep quiet about it.

reluctance of goin for an xray

being a total sissy poo.

now i voiced it out.

i got ridiculous blames

the causes of all the things that will not affect it.

i cant take it really.

i don like having to face everything myself

and boiling everything down deep down inside of me.

i get tired.

tired of so many things.

my back my fyp

initially i still feel very encouraged that i could handle my project well.

but times prove me wrong.

i was forced to be dependent in this proj

but i couldnt make them right.

i got totally discouraged everything i cant solve anything.

is engineering really not meant for me from the start?

its all too late to give up for i will give up the 2 years i struggled.

i always wanted to get out of singapore.

not cause i got tons of money to spend.

not that i wan to shop that much.

but all i wan is a breather.

at least i get to see wad other people are doing.

and how they are living.

this way i will feel much more fortunate.

but everyone is diff.everything u face is different.

put urself in my shoes.

u will see another light.

for jus lookin at how i am.

wad im doing

don make u feel how i feel deep down.

a happy person do have her downs.

but i jus chose to believe that

there are pple worst than me.

at least in that way im happier.

but all these are only temporary.

i wished i could just break free.

btt on monday.

please allow me to pass.

it may seems like just a test.

pass i get to advance to learn driving.

fail and i get all the mockings from my dad.

the despises of how an easy test can bring me down.

please pray for me people.

i know its dumb but please.

and i than you for it!(:

2008-04-15T09:40:00.001+08:00

school started for many yesterday.
it was really CHAOTIC luhs!
missed the peace the times when the koufu is empty.
missed the times it seems like the whole school is owned by just the fyp peoples.
simply hate havin to squeeze here and there,
wait here and ther for seats.
but its great seeing familiar faces here and there.
and it makes me realised that im only 5 weeks more to the end of my fyp!(:but im simply too lazy to start my ass working on the proj.
ever since the week 6 presentation.boohoo.
maybe i shud stop complaining and get to work.
but theres smth i worry.

my sis.
if only i could find the words to say to you.but no matter wad.
jessica.find me if u need me(:
i understand wads the stress u undergo.
i been thru it before.
u jus gotta stay strong.
everything just goin to be over soon!

2008-04-10T10:52:00.002+08:00

life has been drainin me so much
that i can actually dozed off straight after eatin my dinner.
im tired. i really dono why am i so tired.
guess fyp is drainin so much of me.
presentation for week 6 is over.
din even noe wad i was talkin about but owellits over!!(:
have been slackin but will get to work soon i mean real soon!(:
6 week later i will graduate from my "girl's home"!
lookin forward luhs.

as i was slacking, i was looking thru msn lifestyleand came across this topic: signs of lying.
theres is always a reason to the lies spoken.
in fact i believe there are always reasons as to why things happen
but i guess if i were to take a chance out to find out all that has happen
.it would cost me a lifetime.
so i have decided to let it all past.
be contented with the present and look forward to the future!(:
at least like this im happier!(:

whats left of the past.
what left of the old us.
it no longer matters.
u pack up ur bag and left
i do so too.
this time round
it really don matters to me anymore.
i stopped gettin myself all bruised.
i saw the things that once serves a meaning.
a meaning of we.
i read the email u sent me the first time
i smile den i sense a tinge of sorrows
it was sweet den
now its jus a rememberance
a remembrance that u cross my path that june.
the ring the necklace the slippers the every lil things.
goodbye memories.

2008-04-07T15:23:00.002+08:00

was in the midst of doin my uber frustrating proj.
went blogg hopping. and heard one of the blog song being played.
this song hit me real deep. plunging me back all the way to a year ago.
i have been running within the cirlce for way too long.
and its totally draining.
i don wanna think but it jus cums naturally.
why do memories always haunt me when im at my pit bottom.
why do illusions alway blind me.
i really wonder.

jus gotta force myself to rmb the fact that.
everything has have already ended like how fireworks never last.

2008-04-06T21:09:00.002+08:00

as i wished upon the stars,
many many things i wished for.
pass my btt and get a license soon.
the adrenaline rush to drive in raging.
changed my btt date from 5july to 21 april.
damm thrilling mans,
okok!wads so thrilling!:)
at least to me luhs.

okok..once heros is converted..
i will just get my ass to bed!!(:

2008-04-04T10:08:00.003+08:00

The loneliness within me

Takes a heavy toll

'cause it burns as slow as whiskey through an empty aching soul and

The night is like a dagger

Long and cold and sharp

As i sit here on the front steps

Blowing smoke rings in the dark

as i conquer thru the fyp days in school

i suddenly feel darn lonely.

not that i don have anyone with me

nor frens by my side but i guess..

its jus the lonesome feelin i feel deep down.

i don even noe why i feel that way thou.

dad was right.

anyone and everyone can ignore me.

but mama and daddy can never ignore me.

i so love them luhs.

so do my sister(:

the backaches has been bad these days.

mum's worried. dad too.

i am pretty much worried too.

but just that i cant reveal the worry in me.

my refusal in goin to the hospital to have a full checkup.

i have been chickenin out way too much.

shall see how it goes luhs.

sighs.

2008-04-01T09:10:00.003+08:00

durin my last post i mentioned i was goin to be sick
and yep!
i hit the right topic and yes! im sick now.
stupid stomach stupid pain.
now i totally lost the appetite to eat alr.
and recurrent backache don do me any good.
i can feel tt its goin to be broken any moment yst night.
i smell smth amiss.
shall jus go see Mr Doctor someday.

i totally abhore being sick.
but at least for now,
im not a sissy poo,
who don go doctor alr.
i have learnt to take care of myself.
i really wonder why i always got to learn things thru the hard way.
its tough luhs.

2008-03-27T20:35:00.002+08:00

i abandon the route to the lock.
but why there are some aching feeling deep down still.
it has been long abandon for quite sometime alr.
i really wonder.
its just some special sad feelings time and again.
recurring again and again.

recurrent backaches and headaches are back.
im sick-to-be.
damm.

2008-03-25T10:25:00.002+08:00

seriously i wanna fly fly fly.
i love the feeling of flyin overseas.
i enjoy looking at how different people of different countries live life.
its different. a different kind of exposure.
nxt stop taiwan redang or hongkong.
any takers.
its time to save up luhs!(:

2008-03-24T10:04:00.007+08:00

I'm filling a space
Burning a chapter of your life
This was the place that only you would know
Walking away
Watching the ashes as they fall

at times i really wonder what am i thinking.

one moment i made up my mind to do something,

the next moment i just shut the decision real shut.

its like the compass losing the needle.

and there i go thinking back of how i come thus far.

only realising nothing i do has ever been in my way.

nothing i do or have to do actually makes me happy.

was my life deem to be swayed like how the wind blows the leaf on the trees.

or my life lies in my hands for me to manipulate.

so many getting used to issues just got to be swaggered away due to circumstances.

then i cum thinking if many a time wad we do is just a form of gettin used to.

like eatin our meals at certain timing cos we are used to eating.

like having to bath cos we are used to being clean and smelling nice.

i don like the feeling of gettin used to doing something and yet

on the other hand the next moment i just got to get used to not doin wad im used to do.

i really wonder if love is an everyday thing everyday routine.or was it jus another used to phase of life.

know not wad im thinking?

i guess i cant figure it out myself either.

too much words unspoken too much hurt to be heal.

i will just find a way out of life.

a routinal life that is.

有些事要自己做，有些苦要自己尝，有些路一个人走

nobody knows how much i feel deep down the moment i saw the words above.

it has been there for weeks but i just couldnt find the words to descirbe how much i feel.

mixed feelings i would say.many thoughts just pop up in my head.

especially the last phrase.

i guess it didnt dawned onto him,

even till now i still wished i could walk the unsteady path down the future.

but then i guess it doesnt matter much.

the changes are too much to be changed.

at times i stil think if ure still thinking of me.

innocence long gone.

too much hurt

too much pride swept.

long since i abandoned the route to ur heart.

for i kept gettin lost in the maze u set up

the fences and ledges u fenced up.

u used to make me brave

but now u make me more afraid then never.

but im gotta heed wad u say 9 mths back

linlin,i wan you to be strong.

i don wan to see u like this.

i have been tryin real hard.

really really hard.

one day i will just be strong.
i wil be the strong girl u never known.

2008-03-23T21:33:00.004+08:00

dead beat.

boring life boring routine shit.

break free.libertion soon luhs.

the warm and cosy feel of having someone missin you is nice.

i miss my frens and im glad they miss me too!(:

hey hey you you.

the guy who can make my heart skip a beat.

where are you.

been long since i got that feeling luhs.

alright alright.

just being random luhs!

alright nights pple!

time for bed!(:

2008-03-21T22:00:00.001+08:00

where has innocence gone.
i wonder.

2008-03-20T21:37:00.002+08:00

i really cannot take it luhs.
i cant take it faking the passion towards the project that i have luhs.
its really gettin out of hand.
3 more weeks to presentation yet i seek no help.
not even my supervisor.
and the project makes me feel stupid.
damm.
the stress is building yet i can seek any remedy.
now i noe why i like to slp so much nowadays.
not just becos im tired physically.
im emotionally and mentally tired too!!!):
everything everything.
im just not used to it luhs!

2008-03-20T09:16:00.003+08:00

All I need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognize
That I'm feeling so small
All I need is a secret weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space
I'm gonna be a Superhero

sometimes i wished i have more faith and determination in doing the things i wanna undertake.
shall make it a habit then!(:
besides that lately i have been sleeping way too early.
but cant be blame luhs. i got school early in the morning the next day
and and i don wanna spend them on cab fares.
just one trip back school can already cost me like 10 bucks?!
boohoo!but im so glad that i din catch the cab for the whole of this week!
so proud of myself!(:

but on a sidenote:

i totally dislike goin to school luhs.

im lonely luhs.i miss my clsmates.

i miss my frens.i don like doin things alone.

projects supposed to be done in grps or pairs.

but i had none.

arghs!!can anyone understand how i feel not?

any kind soul wanna text me time and again to cheer me on .

sighs.10 weeks faster fly fly fly luhs!

to JO!
i wan steamboat and shoppin session!
pay day pay day!!!!(:
and and yun's big day!!(:

to eve estee and evon.
i stil wanna meet u guys luhs.
i may be busy but im always free after 6 on weekdays!!(:

2008-03-19T09:09:00.003+08:00

I forgot how it felt like, to be really happy.

The devil stole my joy.

for The world is a big bad wolf in a sheep's disguise.

How ugly.

yes i passed i passed!

im like so over the moon at 12 plus just now luhs!

i gotten my results and thank god i passed.

includin the paper that i blanked out.

im like the happiest kid luhs.(:

meanin 10 more weeks to endure for my fyp!

yeah yeahs.and because i don wanna be late fore school or oversleep.

i went to watch 2 dvd and forced myself awake and only slping for an hour plus.!

and im now a living zombie luhs!!): ): ):

*evon darling.

one day we will know wad we wan luhs.

i will always be there for you!(:

much loves.

It's been hitting me lately; the past.

Everything from his recent physical and emotional bereavement,

to what was one year ago.

It's hitting me so bad i seem to be thrown off balanced.

but now no longer.

the determination is stronger den ever.

2008-03-17T13:57:00.002+08:00

"Whenever I feel lonely and dejected, I look up at the sky and remind myself that every Ferris wheel cart has a chance to touch the heavens.The wheel goes round and round bringing us up and down, up and down in this amusement ride we call life."

i always wanted to close down this blog luhs.

am gettin more and more bored and tired and lazy to blogg already luhs.

just yesterday i was tellin a colleague tt im sad.

but upon asked why i ended up telling him.

i don even noe why am i sad why am i feelin this way for i don understand

im happy im sad im glum im neutral.

how am i feeling i dono.

im jus tired tts for sure!(:

i need more more more sleep!!

for fyp and work is drainin me!

payday in a weeks time!

steamboat soon!(:

i craves for tt all the time lahs!!!HAHS

2008-03-13T21:18:00.001+08:00

101th post.

All I need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognize

the weather has been really bad these days.
i totally dislike it when i have to wake up early to go to school.
yups.another wasted day spent in school.
and once again i hate her i hate fyp):

the time drews nearer.
and i get all so confused.
i dono if i shud get it or not.
i need to make myself busy to forget abit it.
let the time passes by.
i don wan it this way.
but i jus wan to get out of the circle.
all i wan is you to be happy.
while im tryin hard to let it all go.
and seriously speaking.
i don look forward to my birthday anyway.
i guess it will jus be any day when i wil let it fly by.
its jus goin to be any other day.
nothing special and all i wan is tings to get better.
i just wan to be happy once again.

2008-03-12T22:46:00.002+08:00

100th posts.

dono why i needed an avenue to vent out my emotions
yet most of the time when i needed it the most i jus can type them down.
it has becum a chore to do all these.
i seems to be shutting all the avenues to vent them all out.
im tired mentally and physically.
i wan very much to slp.
sriously 11pm to 7am jus aint enuff for me luhs.
and life is so routinal since im back from thai.
sch from 830 till 6 and at the end of the day is back home.
den weekends is time for work.
i get real tired luhs.
maybe i will jus quit and scrimp as i try to handle the money affairs.
shall see how it goes luhs.

i tink i shud jus go rest and slp.
and i seriously dono like this certain person who scolded me today.
neh neh.
if not for my good,i would jus yell back at you.
i dread fyp luhs):

2008-03-08T22:59:00.002+08:00

its has been a while since i last blogged.
i wanted so much to abandon this blog.
but the emotions deep down make me run wild.
i tot the getaway was for me to forget everything.
but instead it make me realise that i will always be back to reality.
i kept thinking kept pondering.
till the time im tired.
i really don wann think anymore.
school fyp is killin is torturing.
results is goin to be out soon.
nerve wrecking.
i reap wad i sow.
sudden love the adrenaline rush i get
whenever my dad tried to speed
i want to drive.
i shall start plannin when to get my btt now!
i wana to drive. i wan to speed.
alright tt sounds bad!!HAHAS!

2008-02-19T22:56:00.002+08:00

open wound never seems to heal at all.
im left with an empty shell.
im upset im angry im disappointed.
i hate you to mess up everything that i thought i had.
but i hate myself more for allowin all these to happen.
im losin grip of everything that i grabbed tightly.
i wanna break free.
i wanna hide in one corner.
never to come back again.

2008-02-17T18:41:00.002+08:00

只想变的坚强强到能够去忘.

at times i really wonder if i reallly noe myself well,

just when i thought i knew all along wad im thinking,

i just got to come to sense that i noe not wad im doing.

fairytales and taiwan love serials always suck balls.

but still i chose to use it to comfort myself at times.

why is it that at times i can tell myself dat im fine.

but it turns out yet to be another facade.

down up left right centre back front.

wheres the smile i used to hang on my face.

there are many other things that are worst den what i have got to face.

but yet im indulgin in the phase of self pity.

its really enough already.

linlin please wake up to ur senses.

its really gone for a long long time.

mucho una época que deseaba podría abrazo inmóvil usted firmemente y decirse todo será fino con u por mi side.imperfections ha cegado a nosotros dos tanto que ningunos de nosotros eligen a admit.i deseaban podría decirle cuánto lastimó u causado en mí cuando u dijo es ya demasiado atrasado hacer amends.but con todos estos ocho meses, las angustias intento curar myself.just que se dice que si un día sin mí, usted es im feliz too.all feliz pedí era una ocasión hace ocho meses pero conseguí tiempo rechazado del cambio de la gente y la marea pone la espera para no uno cambié pero usted nunca verá el cambio usted causó never to see the change. you caused the cambio en mí usted todavía me hace un amor más fuerte de girl.i usted después de tan de largo.

amors,

más de tres

de junio el cuarto, dos mil seises

2008-02-17T00:47:00.002+08:00

你比从前快乐
走在熙来攘往的街头
你不再牵著我的手
小心翼翼的将你的小指勾
泪也小心翼翼的流
有些事情你在瞒著我
你终於还是开了口
淡淡一句还是朋友
撕裂的心犹如刀割
知道分手后你不难过
你比从前快乐
那祝福的话叫我如何能够说的出口
过往的欢乐是否褪色
想问你怎么舍得
让我把记忆结成冰
别融化了眼泪
记得你叫我忘了吧

sometimes i really did wonder.
its funny how one can miss another and think if he/she miss them the way both did.
wad am i talkin.
i seriously got no idea
but one thing for sure is i cant get any notes into my head!
felt darn stupid!):

2008-02-15T21:06:00.002+08:00

HAPPY VALENTINES' DAY luhs

alright alright kinda late to say it now but yeahs.

down town and on the train saw a myraid of colours of skinny jeans.

red blure yellow purple pink.

and most of them wearin it are guys.

and please the jeans are almost on the verge of splitting

and i believe if jeans could tok i guess or rather im sure they will definately plead for mercy luhs.

hahs! but oh so wadever.

seen many small couples.

sometimes i wonder where do they get those moolahs to get the presents.

anyway.how do i spend this day.

went out with eve edwin and karen

dinnerin and movie-in den tauhuay.

show was dumb lahs.

but edwin thinks its nice.

i tink its nice if i possess that kind of power to teleport here and there

den i can be like the lead actor and rob the bank and nobody noes.

den i can have tons and tons of clothes shoes bags and bla bla bla

alright alright WAKE UP LIN!(:

alright today is the 15th feb which means it will be 4 days to papers.

i never like counting down for exams cause it will only make me feel tt i haven really get studyin mood.

but den again.this year is different luhs. after my paper i will be leaving for thailand!

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!

i just cant stand luhs can!!!!!!*GRINS*

its sixteen more days to thailand trip.

shopping shopping.

i will be a good girl and study now and den after my last paper.

im definately goin to jot down a list of shopping list for me to shop.

for myself for my family for my cousin for my uncle and for my lovely frens!(:

den i will be back like a santa!HOHO!(:

ciaos.

off to study luhs!(:

nights pples!

much <3

2008-02-11T22:41:00.000+08:00

If you need someone you're feeling blue
If you're away from love and you're alone
If you call your friends and nobody's home
You can run away but you can't hide
Through a storm and through a lonely night
Then I show you there's a destiny
The best things in life
They're free

But if you wanna cry
Cry on my shoulder
If you need someone who cares for you
If you're feeling sad your heart gets colder
Yes I show you what real love can do
If your sky is grey oh let me know
There's a place in heaven where we'll go
If heaven is a million years away

Oh just call me and I make your day
When the nights are getting cold and blue
When the days are getting hard for you
I will always stay here by your side
I promise you I'll never hide

a song tt evokes many emotions inside me.
owells. let me indugle in my world luhs.(:

a complete stranger i see.
no more the joy the laughter the fun.
bygones luhs.
let time flies for it really runs fast!

2008-02-08T23:32:00.000+08:00

2 days of CNY jus va va vroom past me so darn fast.
not really in the festivity mood, din even bother to go grab those new year goodies to munch.
gettin ang baos like any other years was the norm cept the fact this year im not spendin it till i head to bangkok.
mahjong blackjack dai dee don appeal to me anymore.

in just two days of new year and i watched two movies.
ah long ptd and cj7 that is.
not bad a show with a tinge of emotions inside.
jack neo show has becum the one year one time movie i had with my family.
new year is also a day for gatherings with relatives and common phrase always blurt out of their mouth luhs.
and no doubt i wont be spared.
hahas..owells.
one year ago and one year later.
many things changed!(:
everything happen for a reason and tts to make us stronger.
yuting u taught me this(:

saw a phrase somewhere from some show tt says:
"if you never put the stone of burden behind you,you will never be happy."

im happy now but memories still haunt.
cause walking away is not the same as running.
but one thing for sure, im definately lookin forward lookin forward!(:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOANNA NA AH NA AH NA!(:
have a blast tml cos i will be with you!
much loves.

2008-02-06T22:43:00.000+08:00

GONG XI FA CAI !!(:
red packets come come come!

time really passes by so fast luhs.
after tis week im so going to start mugging for my exams.
NYP has been kind to give us a week of study break before exams luhs
mug hard and playhard afthmaths.
much loves.

something i don understand why do guys eat so much like dinosaurs yet they can burn off the fats easily unlike girls.
sometimes i do envy those girls who can eat so much yet remain so slim.
i wish i was like tt but im not.
this new year am gonna be fat fat fat but who cares.
burn off calories after that den
hoho!
toodles pple.
enjoy!(:

2008-02-03T20:52:00.000+08:00

been all messed up recently.

& i thought everything has ended but den it seems that it has jus started.
sometimes i really wonder how do i describe myself.
i guess im pretty much happy with the life i have now.
been all messed up is wad i can say of myself now.
but i believe i wil find back my own identity.
in the meantime, i guess i jus have to sytart getting over the issues happening in my life.
its too overwhelming.
i don look forward to new year cos its jus any other day cept for the angbaos i get.
march come fast lahs.
i cant wait any longer.
and please please..
fyp don be such a bitch to me luhs please!):

2008-01-29T22:25:00.000+08:00

I don't know if I'll end up posting this entry
but I'll decide only when I've finished typing.
Okay what do I say now.
I think I've fucked myself.
Not literally but emotionally I am not stable.
it has been long since i get the totally shut off mode.
i don even noe wad im thinkin nor doing.
i totally lost faith in almost every single thing i do.
wads the goal in my life when all im fightin for seems fruitless.
I've no more strength to face reality.
And fantasies suck balls.
So all I can say now is I do not know what to do without an antidote to keep me alive.
Can you feel my heartbeat racing?
Can you taste the fear in my sweat?
will anyone bother to stop to think wad im thinking.
the anxiety in me builds up way too fast,everytings starts to move on so fast just im still lyin ard in the slow motion life.
where do i go from here,where does future lies for me.

my life a monochrome life.
jus leave me alone cos i noe i have to.

its you i care for after so long.
the pride i wiped them down again
but will u even bother to walk down the memory lane
and feel how i feel in this sheets of regrets.
wadever it is, i said it way too many times to let go.
sorry i tried but its never eay to forget.
a love so true so dear gone long gone.
its not easy to forget but its easy to not bother.
but why cant i attain both.
oh holy mama shit.
teach me how to don bother.

2008-01-27T22:49:00.000+08:00

looking the outside world behind the binds;

had been long since i really laughed from deep down inside.

i may seems cold but deep down am struggling.

one day i will noe the deeper meaning

till then,it really time to mug for my common tests and exams

den bug my mentor abt my FYP briefing.

somehow im not upset that i wont be having term break

cos i hope after that short 5 days getaway

i will feel better.

slowly regainin the smiles i used to hang on my face

actually recently it feels weird to not haven anyone texting me.

i guess thats also the reason why i jus got the urge to throw my fone away from me.

refusal to go repair it thou i noe its faulty

hahas.blame it on the twice commit suicide attempts!

opps!

am dead beat luhs.

nights earthlings(:

2008-01-25T22:55:00.000+08:00

im not supposed to feel this way.
i got no right nor reasons to feel this way.
beyond reach beyond control.
its totally none of my business.
trigger the jealousy bug away from me please.
i don like the feelings.

2008-01-24T21:32:00.000+08:00

i got it all but i feel so deprived.i go up come down and im emptied
tell me what is it that i shud feel
i tried my very best to let everything go
but there gotta be more to live.
than chasing down temporary high to satisfy me
cause the more that i am
trippin out thinking there must be more to live.
well its life ,but im sure
there gota be more than wanting more
i started to close the open doors
cos i noe i don wanna hurt more.
i chose to route to keep silence.

2008-01-24T11:39:00.003+08:00

woke up with a bad headache and the construction upstairs is killing me
stupid bangla!

2008-01-23T13:19:00.000+08:00

woke up in the most vulnerable state of condition.
bad headache stomachache and vomit followed after.
finally sat back to relax to make myself feel better.
in the quietness of the room i sat down and think back.
i scanned thru my room, the four plain walls.
the activities that used to happen in the room jus me and you.
the fun times we had joking around.
the laughters you brought into my life.
the hugs you always gave when u knew i just don feel right.
the times when you pat me to sleep when im sick.
these memories haunt me so much even till now.
i see you as a stranger but deep down i still care.
i denied i delude myself but wads the point.
the words of concerns never came out from my mouth anymore.
cos i know its never the same.
and now i really wonder wads love.
a four alphabet words yet i seek no explanation.
simple 4 letters yet serves a deep meaning to me.
i donte know wads true wad false whats right whats wrong.
i don even noe wad makes me really believe or trust.
but all i noe is wadever i do to you do for you do with u.
i have no regrets.
like i once said to you,wadever you do if ure happy im happy for you.
thats the last words i said to you,you never noe how much hurt i took to reply you that.
sealed with a tear,i let you go.
it has been 7 months but the memories still lingers on and on.

maybe we werent even supposed to be tgt in the first place.
that could have saved so much hurt so much tears
that could have saved a frenship i supposed
but all long gone.
stranger i see now in the present was actually lover in the past.
LSC you were once the precious in my life my gem my pride.
but the you now make me so afraid to look you in the eyes.

2008-01-20T23:30:00.000+08:00

for almost half of my life,i have always been lied to or lying to myself.

nothing is true to me anymore when all i find are bullshiterus nonsense which i cant make up myselfor find excuses for myself to believe.

i chose to pack up my bag to live in the disillusion world.

the world the black and white world.

my colourblinded lifestyle

wan the truth;look into my heart for my heart tell no lies.

2008-01-19T23:26:00.000+08:00

i typed i backspaced.
i have been doin it for the past 5 mins.
many thoughts ran through my mind but i jus dono how to type them out.
i lost the ability to voice out wad lies deep within and now i lost the ability to type them out in words.
maybe its just tt i couldnt find the correct sentence to describe the state of mind im having.
someone said to me why is it that i always appear cheerful to many yet in msn my nickname has always been emo.
i wished i could give an answer but i dont.
but i noe deep down,its tiring to have two different self being portrayed.
there are many things which i don understand nor want to understand.
i used to plan ahead to let me see brighter wad is it that i wann achieved
but i no longer do so cos im afraid im afraid of havin disruptions in my plans.
wad i see now in the future is bleak.
which move should i make i no longer knows.
all i wan is a getaway to take a breather.
i seriously cant take the chaotic lifestyle now.
im drownin sooner or later.

dear daddy and mummy,
i wished i could tell you how much i fear about my future.i wished i could tell you how much sorrows i feel deep down when u said those words to me. i wished i could tell you that no matter how harsh my future will be ,you can always count on me to support you and mummy cos i jus wanna give you all the best. i wished i could be the darling girl you are proud of. when i was young i wished i could gain back the freedom which im supposed to get but now i wished i could let you know i never wanna grow up for i always wanna be the baby girl in ur heart in your eyes cos ur daughter here am afraid of growing up. trust me daddy and mummy that i will take care of myself like how i will take care of u and mummy.you cant afford anything to happen to me and sister,neither can i afford to let anything happen to you and mummy and also the family.
i love you folks.

xoxo
ur always baby girl.

when im alone and out.
i wished i could jus have the shoulders i used to lean on
even for jus one night.
im contented but it doesnt matter anymore.
whats left behind cant be retrieved.
whats left unspoken shall jus be kept as a secret.
i still care but it really doesnt matter anymore.
linlin closed the chapter.

2008-01-18T01:41:00.000+08:00

im really suffocating from the amount of workload im handling now.
so darn packed.
and i supposed other than work doubt i will go out anywhere luhs.
so tml will be the day and maybe monday.
other den tt, i guess i wil be homey!
stay at home be geekish and slp early.
mummy says i need to have itme management.
i seriously tink so too luhs.
i need to have suficient sleep.
effect of not enough sleeps = eye bags dark eye rings and inflation of weight!
on the side note! CNY IS CUMING!!(:
and and i got the impulse to dye my hair chestnut RED!
okay seriously im randomising luhs!!
off to bed.
am tired already.
nights people.

So much hurt, so much pain
Takes a while to regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time
You’ll be out of my mind
I’ll be over you
Totally thou memories lingers.
but the you i loved died.
I can't stop today
As it comes speeding down the track
Yesterday is hist'ry
And it's never coming back'
Cause tomorrow is a brand new day
And it don't know white from black

2008-01-11T21:17:00.000+08:00

every quiet moment turns out to be a self reflection moments for me.
walkin down the memory lane this time round makes me think alot.
din really felt sad nor emotional upon arriving those touchy issues for the past 6 mths.
in fact im amazed as to how shortly 6 mths the changes that happen to me.
changes are happenin almost every day to almost every individual.
not really pin pointin at anybody but seriously i just don understand why can one change so drastically.
i used to be someone who gets wadever i wanted but as i grow older
i start to reap wad i sow.i started to earn the moolahs i need to support myself.
thus developing the kind of "don use money to trash me" attitude.
i donunderstand wads so great about money, i mean everything need money but is it tt impt till you din realise sometimes it might jus turn people off.
wad if one day becos of money, you are left with nobody to side with you.
how would you feel if one day you gets rich but den u got noone left beside you.
yes indeed money can buy everything u want.
including LOVE but den think again,what kind of love will that be?
it wont be tt simple and naive anymore,its plain monetary love towards each other.
i seriously don understand.

there are jus so many things i don understand.
but i jus cudden bother to go figure out.
but all the more i think, i couldnt get an answer out.
might as well don tink.

alright luhs.
shud get back to study luhs.
night pple!
toodle(:

2008-01-10T21:37:00.000+08:00

weight of things left unspoken built up too much soon crashes me down.

how true are the above sentence.
many a time i realised i cant express myself well to anyone anymore.
so much a time till i jus feel like ending the whole conversation abruptly.
i guess im ttally a wreck cos i jus don seem to understand things on another perspective.
love hate situation i hate like totally.
but wadever it is.
one more year is wad i have to endure.

wad else but to endure lohs!

2008-01-08T22:52:00.000+08:00

i tot i knew wad i wan to blog.

but now i realised i got nothing to say

cept tt i mus really turn my biological clock back!(:

good nights.

2008-01-07T22:31:00.000+08:00

pure innocence

many a time i sat down and think back.

why do people hafte to grow old.

i really wonder if i can still stay like where i wanted to be.

the society is harsh from me to face.

the childhood moments are never there to last.

all i ask for is time for a cuppa of coffee and a storybook.

or jus mere sittin down enjoyin the breezes.

give me some time for quiet moments.

2008-01-06T22:26:00.000+08:00

the innocence of yesterdays are cravings of todays.

i don wanna grow old,now that i wan to enjoy wad i missed out.
i wanna lie down on grass patches and look in the sky.
i am tired of facing adulthood.
bring me a bunch of balloons to see me smile,anyone?
all i wanna be is just to be happy.
sounds easy but hard to attain.
but ignorance is always bliss cos i juss wanna live the life i wanne live(:

2008-01-03T22:15:00.000+08:00

its amazing how one can change so much.
i donte know if im thinkin too much
or its really the changes are too huge.
but wadever it is.
im in no position to speak nor say.
i rest my case.

one week passes me by so fast lahs!

2008-01-01T21:17:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 2008 NEW YEAR!

goodbye 2007 goodbye to the past

the scars imprinted always there to make me rmb of the lessons learnt.

changes is the only constant in my life.

spent the last half an hour with angela edward edwin and zhengwei

supposed to go arena but apparently every club is damm packed and

cover charge was damm high.

dropped the idea of clubbing and went to have bak kut teh at M.Sultan.

wad a healthy way to start a new year

walked to the bridge at i also dono where sat down to chill.

pure talking and enjoyin the breeze and and and

bangla and i keep seeing "chinatown" ( I KNOW HE KNOW ONLY BANGLA LIKE US NOES)

got home at 4am and slept till late aftnoon.

got up the first thing and got scolded.

felt lousy but den again.

i know daddy meant well!

much loves <3

i promised no more hanging out till late nights luhs.

as i sat on the bridge on the eve of new year.

having the sea breeze blowing on my face.

i thinked back of the changes that happen to me for the past one year.

happy ones not happy ones sad one depressing ones.

tot of the places the times the moments.

i smiled and i sighed.

but still i chose to smile

cos bangla best fren says no matter wad mus smile!(:

so don call me a crazy girl whenever u see me smiling all day long!

hahas

im welcoming year 2008 with a huge embrace.

no more emo mo mo mo!

cos i got elmo on my feet!(:

figure it out.

no matter how harsh the obstacles are,im gonna overcome it.

OH YA!and i received my big packet of famous amos cookies

on the eve of 2008!(:

thanks to junqing.

it tastes awesome lahs.

thanks thanks thanks!(:

anyway happy 2008 once again.

live it good live it great.

on a sidenote.

im a year older now.

damm!

but im still gonna jump high!<3

2007-12-30T20:56:00.000+08:00

i spent xmas eve in the shop.
countdown in the shop.
now im goin to spend my new year eve working too.
and off to celebrate with frens .
to where i donte know but wadever lahs!(:

2007-12-28T21:14:00.000+08:00

lets jus say i supposed i guess i think i am jus back to the way i blogged in the past.
bloggin everything down which reflects the mixed feelings i felt each passing day.
emo is the exact word many used to describe how i blogged.
but thats jus me in the inner world of my life.
i know i can be happy if i wanted to but wads the point of faking it
lifes short i knew it very well but at times i see no point in continuing them
its routinal and mundane and it has become a chore to me.
as compared to the misfortunates i shud be glad that i am still normal.
i can still see talk hear play run and lives in comfort and knowing i still got a home there for me.
but the worst thing is to be alive and yet doesnt understand the pure simple happyness in life
the only solitude i can attain is through blogging everything down.
not wanting to yell not wanting to scream not wanting to blame not wanting to speak.
cos i have tried way too much time to yell scream blame and speak
but nothing comes out of it and at the end of the day.
i see myself crying like stupid wreck who dont deserve even the slightest concern from anyone.
i am embarrassed of all the dramas that i have a role to perform
and im utterly ashamed of myself because i realised how much i have changed since june this year.
i ought to mourn over my lost identity the usual bubbly one many known me as.
not the one who kept keepin a straight face when alone.
smiling and laughin and playing cos i have to to not make anyone worry.

its four more days to the brand new year 2008
i shouldnt be bringin any bad past or miseries forward to 2008
but why is it that the past seems like yesterdays doing
many things changes.
i changed you changed we changed they changed.
changes take place every single day.
its all abt how we see it.
even expressways don always lead to the same route all the years.
tts wad daddy tells me.
places changes people changes but memories lingers on.
do you still remember the first time everything happens.
i do still.
but everything have to come to an end.
else stories wont have conclusions anymore.

the changes in me are being forced by circumstances.
i guess wadever doesnt kills me makes me stronger.
all i need is more determination and
i will welcome 2008 with a huge grin.
:D (big enuff?!)

toodles.
off to read my new storybook(:

2007-12-25T22:31:00.000+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

i slept for merely 3 hours and im still so hyper!
anyway jus blogged cos i wanna say merry xmas!
lols.

toodles.
off to bed!(:

2007-12-22T23:30:00.001+08:00

its the eve of the eve of christmas and im not done yet with the presents.
kill me shot me.
i m dead tired.
i tried hunting but none to my liking.
bahhs.
i still rmb wad i did last christmas.
oh wadever.
toodles.
off to bed

its amazing how much i feel inside.
with nothing i could breathe,
i chose to suppress everything down cosi know i should
one day i will be happier den ever.

2007-12-20T11:54:00.001+08:00

xmas is coming la la la la la.
to be exact its 5 days more!
including today.
and it will be 11 more days to 2008.
many things happen in 2007
the person i have been used to be changed due to circumstances.
a better and happier person i will be in 2008.
like always..santa drop some moolahs for me,
i promised to be a nicey good girl in 2008(:

off to watch my show while waiting for mama and papa to get my lunch for me
before i head for work.
AFTNOON shift..oh god!!
NEH NEH!!HAHAS

2007-12-18T21:57:00.000+08:00

im finally backed to work after 8 days.
well done!!(:
tiring but fun to see my colleagues yet again.
never fail to bring a smile to my face!!
shop was in a total mess when i signed out
i thank god im workin morning shift for this whole week
cept for thursday!
and i jus realised.
xmas is arriving in a weeks time.
gosh.i haven finished my xmas shopping for my lovelies luhs.
while shopping, my xmas list got longer!

-fred perry canvas shoe
-fred perry mary jane shoe
must buy mans!
totally dope.

the rest are tops bottoms bags and perfumes!
oh dear!
santa will u drop some cash for me!!(:
i promise to be a good girl nxt year!

gonna watch my gong zu xiao mei den off to bed!
morning shift again tml(:

2007-12-12T12:14:00.000+08:00

2 more papers and im off to my holidays
im like a happy child now
cos im deprived of sleep lahs
cum'on lin lin.
since when have u said u got enuff slp?
hahas
but wadever it is.
im goin to slp well during the holidays.

meet up session and quality time spent will be closely managed!
calling you earthlings.
bomb my fone and meet me up!(:
love love

tokin abt bombing
i got a huge feeling that my bill is goin to raise all the way to 70$
god knows how i sms!
thank god my new fone got a sms counter.
i shall stick to it!
70$ jus fly away from my bank jus like this!!):

trust me, you will never see the me in the past from today onwards.
my heart is really drained out
by the words you breathed.
you make me feel special in a way
but on another, you make me feel like a fool.
words that can be easily breathed to others are kept from me.
tell me who to trust why should i trust.
but it doesnt matter anymore.
it jus hurts so much that i could jus smile at myself
mocked at myself being stupid!

alrighty, off to study for my marketing.
if only tts my core module.
i might have been more enthu into learning.
but bahhs.its just an elective!!!
and 1 hrs bac to sch
jus for 20 mcqs and 2 strucutred questions!
mind you its 7 topics!damm it!):
nvm on a side note
im meetin evon lovely later on for din din
the girl i totally lvoe doing everything with her under the sun
jus yst was studyin with kimmy sonneh
i keep tellin him i miss her!
(:
wish me lucks.!
aplently of them
i donte care..

2007-12-11T22:31:00.001+08:00

in the end i realised.
whatever i do, whatever i say doesnt makes a difference.
i knew it all along.
no matter how hard it is.
imperfections are one factor that can never be forgotten.
i give up.
all these while i have been lied to and lying to myself.
it just keep goin around and around like a circle.
back to square one.

2007-12-09T14:57:00.000+08:00

and i finally collapsed after so much of draggin myself to the doc
throat inflamation flu cough and lotsa phlegm makes me hard to breathe
now im down with an mc and im not supposed to be online
i should be lyin down on bed and rest.
how great is it to be accompanied by bullet like medicine that stinks like hell
i wann get well soon again!):

xmas is cuming, i wan to indulge in the festivity mood luhs.

bahhs.but medicine is makin me lose my appetite.
i don even feel like eatin now.
alrighty pple.
tuck myself back to bed!(:

2007-12-07T19:57:00.000+08:00

and its so hard to stay focused to study.
i must be crazy to work at this point in time.
cos exams is round the corner which is MONDAY!
gd lucks mans!(:

2007-12-06T20:03:00.000+08:00

& i put my trust in you but in the end, it desnt even matters.

common test is just next week and im still not in the mood to study.
i don wan to flung it but i couldnt help it.
i seems to be withdrawing myself from everything.
where shall i seek solace from cept from blogging?

its amazing how words can tore me into a millions pieces
its amazing how much a past can torture me till this date.
6 months if i were to say, aint short neither is it long.
why am i so stubborn as to cling on to the memories so tight.
i need the memories constantly to remind me that i cannot rely too much on someone too much.
the phobia deep down in me ,who can understand?
who can make me realise that the words that they breathed are true?
one moment i can be the special one in ur eyes, the next moment im just someone u totally abhore.
maybe i tried way too hard to make everyone loves me for who i am.
but have anyone tried puttin themselves into my shoes and feel how i feel.
i know very well letting go and moving n will do me good and make me feel better .
i know very well i cant keep on moving back to the past cos i don belong there anymore.
i don wan to be emo i don wan to be unhappy
who have ever wondered how much i wished i could be as carefree as happy as i used to be in the past?
but i caused it all by myself
cause these 6months i realised i have never loved anyone as much as i do to you.
but it doesnt matters at all cos i don belong to you for i belong to myself only.

Memory Lane,
We're here again,
Back to the days,
And I'll remember you always,
So much has changed,
Now it feels like yesterday I went away.
I can't forget how we used to be
Our life from day to day
Hoping maybe you'll come back
And though I tell myself not to be afraid
To move on but it seems I can't
its hard to walk away when I see u
as I remember the days that we had
but you had put your shoes on and moved on
Before I could say, baby don go.

2007-12-03T20:37:00.000+08:00

& everytime i wan to fly,there are just things that are bound to bring me down.

I am shagged like totally.
i cant believe i reached home today at an amazing time of 430pm
changed into my PJ-s and off i hit the hay
pretty bad backaches make me grumpy.
My eyes are really droopy but i will make a quick post.
Recently i seem to lose interest in a lot of things that i used to find solace from, like blogging.
(mainly cos im busy at work and in school)
But now, i am just too stoned to be bothered with anything at all.
Talk about deprivation.
Deprived of various things, people, and motivation.
wheres my retail therapy, my all day long chattins sessions with my sweets.
I cease to feel alive, or normal.
It's a routine, everyday drags on like a routine:work school home sleep.(boring shits i know)

Recently there is something, some feeling i have been fearful of, that if i don't try, you just disappear, like every one of them did.
What really, is the point of telling me how special i meant, when probably, you are too clouded with all that dilemma and struggle.
I actually wished we were just perfect connecting strangers, with no strings attached, not too close, but not too apart either.
I actually reminiscent the recent past we shared, when there were no reservations,
when there was no "the other person" in the picture for a while,
no, don't get me wrong, this applies to all of the closest ones,
and no this is not emo nemo post, it's hard facts.
I don't really expect anything out of this, only some realization to somehow be a little more sensitive.
Because you mean a lot, and i would like to feel a little more alive.
maybe i have been thru all these shits way too much, i tend to expect more
i don mean to expect so much out of everything but maybe im afraid of giving in too much and losing everything like totally.
the feelings sucks.
dono what im talkin about den forget it.

moments of silence always kept me pondering,
Maybe it's best for the both of us to forget each other.
I'll remember all the memories we shared throughout the past year.
like what i said so long as i don posed any stress to you now and youre happy with the life you are leading.
im happy.really.
as much as im convincing myself.
it's so unbelievable, and i don't wanna let it go something so beautiful flowing down like a waterfall
i feel like you've always been forever a part of me and it's so unbelievable to finally be in love somewhere i never thought i'd be...
but im darn sure nothing is the same anymore.
No! i can't say everything is the same because it's different.
I am falling, really.
I am standing on such precarious grounds i actually scare myself.
For the longest period of time i have been happy,
i smile to myself on bus rides, i was happy.
i got the closure i ever wanted from you althou it aint the ending i wanted or rather i bluffed myself to believe.
But suddenly, suddenly i sit at the spot where we used to, and i think so hard,
i stare so hard at the windscreen, i amuse myself with thoughts of you.
And it's blank.
You have disappeared, and i sit there alone.
but i promised to many
i will be happy and i will really be happy cos:
DECEMBER IS HERE.
half a year passes me by so fast.

bye world .
im really tired.
hitting the hay when the clock strikes 1030pm!

2007-11-27T23:04:00.000+08:00

i dono how to express myself.
everything deep down is jus a turmoil of emotions.
i chose to keep quiet.
i chose to smile and laugh cos
i don wan to be sad anymore.
one day i will find my happyness!(:

2007-11-25T22:01:00.000+08:00

5$ min. 3 pieces.
what can you say about this caption.
YES! any human beings who know how to read should noe it means :
5$ each minimun 3 pieces.
but every sunday those creautres tt come "crawlin" in to GIO jus don get the idea and questions like:
P1: 3 pieces for 5$ arhs?
where got so cheap?if it is that cheap i guess i can jus stand at the crew necks and jus replenish the crewnecks?
and the most outrageous one i heard today was.
p1: 5 pieces 3$ den 1 piece 1$ arhs?
when i hear it, im like @$&(*#&$#*$&
i feel like takin the crewnecks and slap their face.
PLEASE lahs.
brush up ur english can.
i totally ABHORE P1-s
and it sucks even more when my in-charge jus have to put me stationed at the crew necks every SUNDAY!
dammit!
but at least it keeps my mind off everything jus replenishin and folding.

goodbye and goodnight
i guess after 5mths,u finally are able to give me a reply.
thanks.
no doubt it caused tears to roll down again.
i know this time round,you gave me the closure i ever needed.
goodbye lover,hello my fren!

off to do my maths tutorials luhs!
bye
hais.
WO JIU SHI BU KAI XIN LAHS!):

2007-11-25T00:05:00.001+08:00

im tired i really am tired.
i just don feel like tokin anymore.
maybe supressin everything down is the only way.
no way i could let out the feelings deep down.
good nights and good bye.
im leaving the bloggin world soon i guess.
it don serves a purpose anymore.

2007-11-23T22:35:00.000+08:00

i hate the fact that my emotions get swayed thru and fro so easily.
i don like it when i cant get all the words forward.
i wanna tell you that i still love you but i know its impossible.
maybe its just that im juan lian-ing
cos i have grew attached to the rs i had with him.
but why is it that i still look forward to seeing him all the time.
why is it that hearin his voice over the fone jus melts my heart.
you snatched my fone away and maybe u saw that message someone sent me.
ur facial expression changes.
was it me who think too much or was it u really felt a tinge of jealousy by the message?
i dont know i don dare to think.
i guess im backed to the state i was in 5 mths ago.
someday i need to SERIOUSLY tell myself..
linlin its really OVER!):

2007-11-23T01:32:00.000+08:00

hopefully the answer to the question eve posed to me was right
i don wanna think abt it anymore.
throw away all that illusions that make me go weak.
i don wann bother i don wanna think.
it jus drains me.
period.

somehow i wanna go tannin again.
but pple ard me forbades me
cos i will get darker.
but i love the sun luhs!
island life love it!(:

2007-11-22T00:27:00.000+08:00

& u left a smile and walk away.

a question that left me speechless.
i noe not wad the answers shud be.
but i know for sure.
no matter how hard i try to give myself a closure.
memories will jus hinder my decisions.
one year to be said
aint long neither is it short.
i question myself what i really wan.
my heart says i wan you back
my mind tell me its not the same anymore
my heart and mind use to tally but now
somehow something is lacking.
if i were to have shortage when i do cashiering,
at least all i do is to recuperate the losses
but when theres smth lacking in the way i tink.
i doubt theres anyway i can mend that gap up.
a scar do get torn easily shud it not heal totally.
my paper heart has never been mended
it jus get torn apart time and again

do you tink of me jus when i tot of you
does memories hurt you as much as it hurts me?
i rather not think
i chose to slp to forget
wake up to a brand new day
5 mths..i guess i will survive(:

2007-11-19T14:55:00.000+08:00

i woke up at 8am and dragged myself to the toilet to prepare for school.
i swear i would have jus died instantly at the moment.
i see stars for the second time of my life.
i almost blanked out luhs.
lucky the distance from my room to the toilet aint tt far away
so i quickly make my way to my bed and roll myself up like a ball.
my stomach was aching like hell, the cramps is killing.
i swear for tt instance i wished i wasnt a girl.
told huiwen i aint goin to school for today luhs.
thought of him but the pain jus drowns me and i slept once again.
woke up at 230 and felt much better but the cramps are still kiling.
am hungry for now but still waiting for mich to end school to have din din tgt and back to LP for stocktake.
boring shits i know.
* hoho. jus when i was typing this.mich called and said stock take is cancelled!!YEAHS!
but gotta go back work after sch tml..
for once i wished it was today lahs.
boring shit!
and to think im workin morning shift on wed!

as for the time being,i was like stoning and i thought of wad happened last thursday.
i saw that distinct sad face i saw 5 mths back and i felt real helpless.
i wanted to hug u real tight and tell u everything jus goin to be fine.
i wan to stand by u once again and accompany you whenever u feel lonely.
i wan to tell u im willing to spare any time to acc you whenever i could.
but the moment u left my bag on the floor i knew things just aint the same anymore.
i still rmb wad u once said:its too late now, if only you were that understandin in the past.
this phrase always haunts me and create an acute pain in my heart everytime i thought of it.
i have hurt you once and i have hurt u twice this time.
all you wan is someone to acc you thru the break but i failed to do so.
not that i don wan is i dono how to face you.
the more i see you the more i wan you back.
i know i should be in ur shoes to understand how lonesome u will be
but i guess this time i must be selfish
to tink of myself already.
i guess you wont even realise for the past 5 mths,i have always put myself in ur shoes
tts why i stop contactin you cos im afraid i might caused you to tink of the bad past i caused you to have.
im sorry but i still love you.
but im just moving on cos i noe i no longer can cling onto you.
hais.

i have always been living in illusions.

illusions of you coming back to me.

but all these illusions simply just

makes me go weak in my knees.

first time when i almost fainted due to cramps and i told u.
me: u noe got once i almost fainted in the j8 toilet when i had my period.
him:why din you tell me ,i would have came to find u.
me:cos tt time was during our breakup period.
this time round i almost fainted.
the first thought was you but when i was abt to text you.
the pain from my cramps woke me.
i have already broken up with you.
theres no reason i shud seek comfort from you anymore.
twice i failed to sought comfort from you when i almost fainted but twice ur image ring a bell in my mind.

2007-11-14T23:35:00.000+08:00

backaches has been such a bitch these days.

i cant really straighten my back properly these days.

blame it on old age i guess.

im really gettin old.

nearing my twenties in jus 7mths time.

): don look forward to it either.
cos it jus bring back bad memories .

mummy commenting that im gettin fatter.

she says obesity is hereditory in my family.

i realised it too cos i have been binging on food.

i should stop doin it luhs.

i don wanna get fat.

maybe i shud start doin wad i did 5mths ago.

green tea and light snacks.

i starts to detest food now luhs.

nicotine craves back all these while but i jus don wanna pick up the fag again

i promised you before.

i love taking bus rides home alone

cos its the only time i can look out at the moving reality and sits down on my own and tink.

take a trip down memory lane and see what is it tt i have in the past and the changes i had .

but twice i walked down memory lane, twice i dropped tears in the dark in front of manypessengers.

the feelings sucks but i jus don care less.

I feel sucky, nothing I do is right anymore.

I can't feel, I'm totally numb.

I can't think, I'm totally blank.

I can't scream, my neighbours will kill me.

I cant inflict pain on myself, cos my frens still care.

I want so much to isolate myself from this earth,

I want no one to ever notice me.

I want to be alone, even though that would drive me crazy.

I feel like an irritant, a moron, a bitch, a girl who can never succeed.

I'm really happy for you,really happy.

Cos' you made the right choice of leaving me.

and seeing whatever u achieved and did now really make me happy.

you chose the route you wan leadin the ambitions u held.

That is why, I'm no longer holding you back from the last day we spent together.

But again,I still have you right here in my heart to love.

I've tried to find my way back to your heart,guess I just lost my way,

or, you shutted the doors of your heart from me.

Does all those wishful thinking of mine even have hopes?

All I can do now is to recall our past,smile at our memories,

and drop a tear of joy for having you at all.

For many a time i tried convincing myself that i don love you anymore.

many a time i tell myself, that its impossible for both of us to get back tgt.

but all these while doin all these jus drains myself.

its tiring to fake a front in front of you.

playing with you smiling at you when all these just gives me a so near yet so far feeling.

5 months, by right i should be getting over you but why do i still cry over you?

do i still love you, i really wonder.

&the last foto we took

The memories lingers.

When I was a little girl,

I couldn't wait to fall in love.

But it's only now that I realise,

scraped knees are easier to heal

2007-11-11T21:21:00.000+08:00

seriously i tink im sick of havin headaches almost every single day.
everyday is either work or school or out with frens or home to sleep.
im drained of all my energy luhs.
all i know now is im tired.
T.T

an hour ago, i tot i almost lost my wallet.
i almost drop dead at the instance when i tot i lost it.
not that its expensive but its my asset.
without it ,i tink i can jus go and eat air luhs.
no more moolahs for me.
not jus that.
there are more than moolahs in the wallet luhs.
photos,neoprints,10$ heart,and the one and only amulet.
and not to mention tons of RECEIPTS!
called back shop nobody picked up and i almost cried in the middle of chomp chomp
daddy rejected to help me and hanged up my fone.
felt darn helpless til mich answered the call and assured me of the findin of my wallet!

first i saw smth which make my heart sank den i saw smth that makes me disappointed.
time and again.my trust gt betrayed.
don blame me when i choose not to trust anymore.
its hard to trust with an open heart now its harder to trust with a broken heart.
i do bite at times u noe or rather most of the time.
i see thru things faster than anyone can ever grasps.
all becos i tink alot.
and it sucks!):

im off to do my literature search for my proj and my maths luhs):
im deprived of slp.

2007-11-06T23:13:00.000+08:00

You can't stop today

As it comes speeding down the track

Child, yesterday is hist'ry

And it's never coming back'

Cause tomorrow is a brand new day

And it don't know white from black

seriously im still not recoverin from the state of stupor since that day.

i cant believe it and i am indeed stil very angry.

can anyone take me down memory lane once again and pause me at the time when i wished i have a second say to everything.

let me be the me i am now at the moment im sure i wont make the decisions i made that faithful day.

everything changes.

and i hate the fact that im regretting but its way too late luhs.

bahhs..

2007-11-04T23:03:00.000+08:00

oh fuck!
i found out smth i long to look for.
look at how i exclaimed!
you should noe how demoralised i was.
i cant take this mans!
seriously!

2007-11-02T22:54:00.000+08:00

Tell me the words I never said
Show me the tears you never shed
Give me the touch
That one you promised to be mine
Or has it vanished for all time

2 days back
i rmbed myself cryin silly
in the middle of the bustlin town aft work.
many thoughts gushed thru my mind
i finally broke down after so long.
i felt so lonely that very instance.
i told myself i should be independent
i cant possibly depend on anyone
im forced to be strong
im forced by many circumstances.
i may seems to be happy but deep down im not.
im afraid as to how things changes so fast
how much one can change in such a short period of time.
the smiles hanging on the face
are the only facade to hide the tears
im no longer the person i used to be.
few months back,
i was left with a broken heart.
4 mths later im left with no heart to start with.
stolen and gone.
phobia of trusting.
inability to love.
afraid of commitments.
i start to stray away.
doin things i nver did.
thinkin afar which is so not me.
the one who used to like to take a step at a time is gone.
the feeling sucks.
period-

seriously in need of a getaway.
gotta head to lala land.
signin in at 8am tml.
who the hell goes town at this kind of timin.
well.
i do cos im forced to attend the meeting.
roars*

* i brushed thru the hands i used to hold
the feelings so warm yet different.
its time i said i have moved on.
i held on the past tight but this time around.
the person who make my heart skip abit aint u anymore.
that person already died off.
but remainin always in my heart.
loves.
xoxo