Tuesday, April 29, 2008
its that time of the month again.
totally hate it luhs.
and for the very first time.
i get serious mood swings.
like totally bitchy kind of mood swings.
i believe fyp project has got to be blame for it.
every single day i jus dragged myself up from bed
wash up and den drag my feet to go to schoolfor the routinal 830 to 6 FYP
i don even know wad am i doing now.
reading reading doing doing flippin thru the notes given.
i seek no help from anyone.
not that nobody help but nobody is able to help.
i really am tired.im tired of walkin aimlessly yet again.
yes i meant again cos i have always been stepping in and out of the circle.
BLOODY HELLA SHIT!
tml will be better i believe.
at least i noe people who can brighten up my day.
on a sidenote. FYP is ending in 3 weeks time more.
pros and cons i would say.
pros being i would be liberated
cons as i might not be able to hand up the whole damm project.
sighs.
off to toodle with the whole damm project again.
i swear for once im THAT hardworking!):
its always the case.
home and all i get is hot and cold
treatment.
how long can i survive.
keeping mum doesnt do any good anymore.
i got maligned for showing attitude.
what in the world have i done wrong,
i really questioned.
everyone is stress .
nobody in the whole damm roof noes wads in store for me.
they just know i should not show my temper around.
cos they face more stress and burden .
but take alook at me.
everyone realised and knew the tremendous torment and stress i face.
all i can do is to complement with their seasons changing mood.
im also human. and im pretty much a sensitive human.
i cant take stress i admit and i cant tolerate all the stupid craps.
one day i will just give up pleasing everyone.
leave me alone luhs.
8:45 PM
Sunday, April 27, 2008
blogged changed!
ask me for more!(:
8:48 PM
Friday, April 25, 2008
i love WANXIN much much<3
*WANXIN see see ur name here. plus foto!(:
4:14 PM
Thursday, April 24, 2008
the motivation to go to school get lesser each day.
i don like to feel that im wasting my time.
doin every single thing over and over again.
not knowing which is right or wrong.
nobody to blame but for the lucks of mine.
situation is gettin worst and i really dono where to run.
but if one day things got seriously out of hand.
i might jus pack up my bag and leave everything.
she wans it that way den i let her have her way.
for nothing i do is ever right in her eyes.
been thinking of stupid things that will harm myself.
yet think about it.wads the point.
10:24 AM
Monday, April 21, 2008
so much feeling so much to say.
if only anyone could change their place with me
and see how much im going thru.
i chose to keep quiet in everything
but that doesnt meant
im not bothered by it.
im just tired.
i will just leave this blogosphere.
til then pple.
10:49 AM
Saturday, April 19, 2008
theres always a reason behind everything i do
*i mean it*
seriously theres a reason why i don talk at home.
in fact nobody would believe that i kept total silent at home
when im like a loudspeaker when im out.
it has been long since i heard complains about money
i quited my job cos of my back.
i bet i would have continued working
if my back din get worst.
i don like to get extra money from my dad.
i don like the feeling of having to use his money.
i earnfor wad i wan.
i gain the independence way back.
but now im crippled once more.
all becos of my back.
had it not becum worst.
first its the muscles around the spinal cord.
now its the bone itself.
i chosed to keep quiet about it.
reluctance of goin for an xray
being a total sissy poo.
now i voiced it out.
i got ridiculous blames
the causes of all the things that will not affect it.
i cant take it really.
i don like having to face everything myself
and boiling everything down deep down inside of me.
i get tired.
tired of so many things.
my back my fyp
initially i still feel very encouraged that i could handle my project well.
but times prove me wrong.
i was forced to be dependent in this proj
but i couldnt make them right.
i got totally discouraged everything i cant solve anything.
is engineering really not meant for me from the start?
its all too late to give up for i will give up the 2 years i struggled.
i always wanted to get out of singapore.
not cause i got tons of money to spend.
not that i wan to shop that much.
but all i wan is a breather.
at least i get to see wad other people are doing.
and how they are living.
this way i will feel much more fortunate.
but everyone is diff.everything u face is different.
put urself in my shoes.
u will see another light.
for jus lookin at how i am.
wad im doing
don make u feel how i feel deep down.
a happy person do have her downs.
but i jus chose to believe that
there are pple worst than me.
at least in that way im happier.
but all these are only temporary.
i wished i could just break free.
btt on monday.
please allow me to pass.
it may seems like just a test.
pass i get to advance to learn driving.
fail and i get all the mockings from my dad.
the despises of how an easy test can bring me down.
please pray for me people.
i know its dumb but please.
and i than you for it!(:
9:46 PM
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
school started for many yesterday.
it was really CHAOTIC luhs!
missed the peace the times when the koufu is empty.
missed the times it seems like the whole school is owned by just the fyp peoples.
simply hate havin to squeeze here and there,
wait here and ther for seats.
but its great seeing familiar faces here and there.
and it makes me realised that im only 5 weeks more to the end of my fyp!(:but im simply too lazy to start my ass working on the proj.
ever since the week 6 presentation.boohoo.
maybe i shud stop complaining and get to work.
but theres smth i worry.
my sis.
if only i could find the words to say to you.but no matter wad.
jessica.find me if u need me(:
i understand wads the stress u undergo.
i been thru it before.
u jus gotta stay strong.
everything just goin to be over soon!
9:40 AM
Thursday, April 10, 2008
life has been drainin me so much
that i can actually dozed off straight after eatin my dinner.
im tired. i really dono why am i so tired.
guess fyp is drainin so much of me.
presentation for week 6 is over.
din even noe wad i was talkin about but owellits over!!(:
have been slackin but will get to work soon i mean real soon!(:
6 week later i will graduate from my "girl's home"!
lookin forward luhs.
as i was slacking, i was looking thru msn lifestyleand came across this topic: signs of lying.
theres is always a reason to the lies spoken.
in fact i believe there are always reasons as to why things happen
but i guess if i were to take a chance out to find out all that has happen
.it would cost me a lifetime.
so i have decided to let it all past.
be contented with the present and look forward to the future!(:
at least like this im happier!(:
whats left of the past.
what left of the old us.
it no longer matters.
u pack up ur bag and left
i do so too.
this time round
it really don matters to me anymore.
i stopped gettin myself all bruised.
i saw the things that once serves a meaning.
a meaning of we.
i read the email u sent me the first time
i smile den i sense a tinge of sorrows
it was sweet den
now its jus a rememberance
a remembrance that u cross my path that june.
the ring the necklace the slippers the every lil things.
goodbye memories.
10:52 AM
Monday, April 7, 2008
was in the midst of doin my uber frustrating proj.
went blogg hopping. and heard one of the blog song being played.
this song hit me real deep. plunging me back all the way to a year ago.
i have been running within the cirlce for way too long.
and its totally draining.
i don wanna think but it jus cums naturally.
why do memories always haunt me when im at my pit bottom.
why do illusions alway blind me.
i really wonder.
jus gotta force myself to rmb the fact that.
everything has have already ended like how fireworks never last.
3:23 PM
Sunday, April 6, 2008
as i wished upon the stars,many many things i wished for.
pass my btt and get a license soon.
the adrenaline rush to drive in raging.
changed my btt date from 5july to 21 april.
damm thrilling mans,
okok!wads so thrilling!:)
at least to me luhs.
okok..once heros is converted..
i will just get my ass to bed!!(:
9:09 PM
Friday, April 4, 2008
The loneliness within me
Takes a heavy toll
'cause it burns as slow as whiskey through an empty aching soul and
The night is like a dagger
Long and cold and sharp
As i sit here on the front steps
Blowing smoke rings in the dark
as i conquer thru the fyp days in school
i suddenly feel darn lonely.
not that i don have anyone with me
nor frens by my side but i guess..
its jus the lonesome feelin i feel deep down.
i don even noe why i feel that way thou.
dad was right.
anyone and everyone can ignore me.
but mama and daddy can never ignore me.
i so love them luhs.
so do my sister(:
the backaches has been bad these days.
mum's worried. dad too.
i am pretty much worried too.
but just that i cant reveal the worry in me.
my refusal in goin to the hospital to have a full checkup.
i have been chickenin out way too much.
shall see how it goes luhs.
sighs.
10:08 AM
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
durin my last post i mentioned i was goin to be sick
and yep!
i hit the right topic and yes! im sick now.
stupid stomach stupid pain.
now i totally lost the appetite to eat alr.
and recurrent backache don do me any good.
i can feel tt its goin to be broken any moment yst night.
i smell smth amiss.
shall jus go see Mr Doctor someday.
i totally abhore being sick.
but at least for now,
im not a sissy poo,
who don go doctor alr.
i have learnt to take care of myself.
i really wonder why i always got to learn things thru the hard way.
its tough luhs.
9:10 AM