i spent xmas eve in the shop.
countdown in the shop.
now im goin to spend my new year eve working too.
and off to celebrate with frens .
to where i donte know but wadever lahs!(:
lets jus say i supposed i guess i think i am jus back to the way i blogged in the past.
bloggin everything down which reflects the mixed feelings i felt each passing day.
emo is the exact word many used to describe how i blogged.
but thats jus me in the inner world of my life.
i know i can be happy if i wanted to but wads the point of faking it
lifes short i knew it very well but at times i see no point in continuing them
its routinal and mundane and it has become a chore to me.
as compared to the misfortunates i shud be glad that i am still normal.
i can still see talk hear play run and lives in comfort and knowing i still got a home there for me.
but the worst thing is to be alive and yet doesnt understand the pure simple happyness in life
the only solitude i can attain is through blogging everything down.
not wanting to yell not wanting to scream not wanting to blame not wanting to speak.
cos i have tried way too much time to yell scream blame and speak
but nothing comes out of it and at the end of the day.
i see myself crying like stupid wreck who dont deserve even the slightest concern from anyone.
i am embarrassed of all the dramas that i have a role to perform
and im utterly ashamed of myself because i realised how much i have changed since june this year.
i ought to mourn over my lost identity the usual bubbly one many known me as.
not the one who kept keepin a straight face when alone.
smiling and laughin and playing cos i have to to not make anyone worry.

its four more days to the brand new year 2008
i shouldnt be bringin any bad past or miseries forward to 2008
but why is it that the past seems like yesterdays doing
many things changes.
i changed you changed we changed they changed.
changes take place every single day.
its all abt how we see it.
even expressways don always lead to the same route all the years.
tts wad daddy tells me.
places changes people changes but memories lingers on.
do you still remember the first time everything happens.
i do still.
but everything have to come to an end.
else stories wont have conclusions anymore.

the changes in me are being forced by circumstances.
i guess wadever doesnt kills me makes me stronger.
all i need is more determination and
i will welcome 2008 with a huge grin.
:D (big enuff?!)




toodles.
off to read my new storybook(:
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!


i slept for merely 3 hours and im still so hyper!
anyway jus blogged cos i wanna say merry xmas!
lols.


toodles.
off to bed!(:
its the eve of the eve of christmas and im not done yet with the presents.
kill me shot me.
i m dead tired.
i tried hunting but none to my liking.
bahhs.
i still rmb wad i did last christmas.
oh wadever.
toodles.
off to bed
















its amazing how much i feel inside.
with nothing i could breathe,
i chose to suppress everything down cosi know i should
one day i will be happier den ever.
xmas is coming la la la la la.
to be exact its 5 days more!
including today.
and it will be 11 more days to 2008.
many things happen in 2007
the person i have been used to be changed due to circumstances.
a better and happier person i will be in 2008.
like always..santa drop some moolahs for me,
i promised to be a nicey good girl in 2008(:


off to watch my show while waiting for mama and papa to get my lunch for me
before i head for work.
AFTNOON shift..oh god!!
NEH NEH!!HAHAS
im finally backed to work after 8 days.
well done!!(:
tiring but fun to see my colleagues yet again.
never fail to bring a smile to my face!!
shop was in a total mess when i signed out
i thank god im workin morning shift for this whole week
cept for thursday!
and i jus realised.
xmas is arriving in a weeks time.
gosh.i haven finished my xmas shopping for my lovelies luhs.
while shopping, my xmas list got longer!

-fred perry canvas shoe
-fred perry mary jane shoe
must buy mans!
totally dope.

the rest are tops bottoms bags and perfumes!
oh dear!
santa will u drop some cash for me!!(:
i promise to be a good girl nxt year!


gonna watch my gong zu xiao mei den off to bed!
morning shift again tml(:
2 more papers and im off to my holidays
im like a happy child now
cos im deprived of sleep lahs
cum'on lin lin.
since when have u said u got enuff slp?
hahas
but wadever it is.
im goin to slp well during the holidays.


meet up session and quality time spent will be closely managed!
calling you earthlings.
bomb my fone and meet me up!(:
love love


tokin abt bombing
i got a huge feeling that my bill is goin to raise all the way to 70$
god knows how i sms!
thank god my new fone got a sms counter.
i shall stick to it!
70$ jus fly away from my bank jus like this!!):





trust me, you will never see the me in the past from today onwards.
my heart is really drained out
by the words you breathed.
you make me feel special in a way
but on another, you make me feel like a fool.
words that can be easily breathed to others are kept from me.
tell me who to trust why should i trust.
but it doesnt matter anymore.
it jus hurts so much that i could jus smile at myself
mocked at myself being stupid!



alrighty, off to study for my marketing.
if only tts my core module.
i might have been more enthu into learning.
but bahhs.its just an elective!!!
and 1 hrs bac to sch
jus for 20 mcqs and 2 strucutred questions!
mind you its 7 topics!damm it!):
nvm on a side note
im meetin evon lovely later on for din din
the girl i totally lvoe doing everything with her under the sun
jus yst was studyin with kimmy sonneh
i keep tellin him i miss her!
(:
wish me lucks.!
aplently of them
i donte care..
in the end i realised.
whatever i do, whatever i say doesnt makes a difference.
i knew it all along.
no matter how hard it is.
imperfections are one factor that can never be forgotten.
i give up.
all these while i have been lied to and lying to myself.
it just keep goin around and around like a circle.
back to square one.
and i finally collapsed after so much of draggin myself to the doc
throat inflamation flu cough and lotsa phlegm makes me hard to breathe
now im down with an mc and im not supposed to be online
i should be lyin down on bed and rest.
how great is it to be accompanied by bullet like medicine that stinks like hell
i wann get well soon again!):

xmas is cuming, i wan to indulge in the festivity mood luhs.


bahhs.but medicine is makin me lose my appetite.
i don even feel like eatin now.
alrighty pple.
tuck myself back to bed!(:
and its so hard to stay focused to study.
i must be crazy to work at this point in time.
cos exams is round the corner which is MONDAY!
gd lucks mans!(:
& i put my trust in you but in the end, it desnt even matters.



common test is just next week and im still not in the mood to study.
i don wan to flung it but i couldnt help it.
i seems to be withdrawing myself from everything.
where shall i seek solace from cept from blogging?



its amazing how words can tore me into a millions pieces
its amazing how much a past can torture me till this date.
6 months if i were to say, aint short neither is it long.
why am i so stubborn as to cling on to the memories so tight.
i need the memories constantly to remind me that i cannot rely too much on someone too much.
the phobia deep down in me ,who can understand?
who can make me realise that the words that they breathed are true?
one moment i can be the special one in ur eyes, the next moment im just someone u totally abhore.
maybe i tried way too hard to make everyone loves me for who i am.
but have anyone tried puttin themselves into my shoes and feel how i feel.
i know very well letting go and moving n will do me good and make me feel better .
i know very well i cant keep on moving back to the past cos i don belong there anymore.
i don wan to be emo i don wan to be unhappy
who have ever wondered how much i wished i could be as carefree as happy as i used to be in the past?
but i caused it all by myself
cause these 6months i realised i have never loved anyone as much as i do to you.
but it doesnt matters at all cos i don belong to you for i belong to myself only.



Memory Lane,
We're here again,
Back to the days,
And I'll remember you always,
So much has changed,
Now it feels like yesterday I went away.
I can't forget how we used to be
Our life from day to day
Hoping maybe you'll come back
And though I tell myself not to be afraid
To move on but it seems I can't
its hard to walk away when I see u
as I remember the days that we had
but you had put your shoes on and moved on
Before I could say, baby don go.
& everytime i wan to fly,there are just things that are bound to bring me down.

I am shagged like totally.
i cant believe i reached home today at an amazing time of 430pm
changed into my PJ-s and off i hit the hay
pretty bad backaches make me grumpy.
My eyes are really droopy but i will make a quick post.
Recently i seem to lose interest in a lot of things that i used to find solace from, like blogging.
(mainly cos im busy at work and in school)
But now, i am just too stoned to be bothered with anything at all.
Talk about deprivation.
Deprived of various things, people, and motivation.
wheres my retail therapy, my all day long chattins sessions with my sweets.
I cease to feel alive, or normal.
It's a routine, everyday drags on like a routine:work school home sleep.(boring shits i know)


Recently there is something, some feeling i have been fearful of, that if i don't try, you just disappear, like every one of them did.
What really, is the point of telling me how special i meant, when probably, you are too clouded with all that dilemma and struggle.
I actually wished we were just perfect connecting strangers, with no strings attached, not too close, but not too apart either.
I actually reminiscent the recent past we shared, when there were no reservations,
when there was no "the other person" in the picture for a while,
no, don't get me wrong, this applies to all of the closest ones,
and no this is not emo nemo post, it's hard facts.
I don't really expect anything out of this, only some realization to somehow be a little more sensitive.
Because you mean a lot, and i would like to feel a little more alive.
maybe i have been thru all these shits way too much, i tend to expect more
i don mean to expect so much out of everything but maybe im afraid of giving in too much and losing everything like totally.
the feelings sucks.
dono what im talkin about den forget it.



moments of silence always kept me pondering,
Maybe it's best for the both of us to forget each other.
I'll remember all the memories we shared throughout the past year.
like what i said so long as i don posed any stress to you now and youre happy with the life you are leading.
im happy.really.
as much as im convincing myself.
it's so unbelievable, and i don't wanna let it go something so beautiful flowing down like a waterfall
i feel like you've always been forever a part of me and it's so unbelievable to finally be in love somewhere i never thought i'd be...
but im darn sure nothing is the same anymore.
No! i can't say everything is the same because it's different.
I am falling, really.
I am standing on such precarious grounds i actually scare myself.
For the longest period of time i have been happy,
i smile to myself on bus rides, i was happy.
i got the closure i ever wanted from you althou it aint the ending i wanted or rather i bluffed myself to believe.
But suddenly, suddenly i sit at the spot where we used to, and i think so hard,
i stare so hard at the windscreen, i amuse myself with thoughts of you.
And it's blank.
You have disappeared, and i sit there alone.
but i promised to many
i will be happy and i will really be happy cos:
DECEMBER IS HERE.
half a year passes me by so fast.



bye world .
im really tired.
hitting the hay when the clock strikes 1030pm!

i spent xmas eve in the shop.
countdown in the shop.
now im goin to spend my new year eve working too.
and off to celebrate with frens .
to where i donte know but wadever lahs!(: