Monday, October 29, 2007
If time could find a way to turn around I would walk along the stars, till I was back at your door
Every word, every word is spoken
but without a sound
And I found out what my heart is for
i never knew why people don understand how im feeling.
complaining and whining and then i came to realise
im actually the one who don understand myself.
living in the past like a sissy poopooji
whining about how much im afraid of being hurt.
its not as if i never tried to move on .
its just that the scars stays on permanent.
i did tried moving on forgettin about wad happened in the past
but what do i get in the end.
a series of dramatic scenarios
i dare not believe i dare not trust
and it makes me more afraid when i yearns for someone
someone to pamper me
someone to shower me with all the attentions that i ever wanted.
i did try but what do i get in the end.
i don blame anyone for anything
or rather good things don happen to me
maybe they do but its only momentary
it jus disappear into thin air way earlier than i can grasps.
i don meant to say the things i said
for im just afraid of hurtin in the long run.
like what everyone says
its better to have shorter pain den have a longer pain.
and like usual i kip tellin everyone and anyone
im not feeling extremely sad neither am i not happy.
it makes me so lifeless.
i wanna laugh scream cry smile
with a reason with a meaning
but somehow i jus don get it anymore.
and it sucks like totally.
-period-
*So much hurt, so much pain
Takes a while to regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time
You’ll be out of my mind
I’ll be over you
11:34 PM
Thursday, October 25, 2007
swing a ling a ling swing away my mood swing pls pls pls ):
it gets so scary today when i suddenly feel so lonely.
and i seriously feel that im pretty much messed up.
failure to express myself.
i don even know how im feeling.
for when im not extremely down.im not happy either.
mood swing a ling a ling swing to me
i just wanna go blow sea breeze but i just don have the time to do so.
i just wanna sit down and jus look ahead at the vast sea
but im afraid of being reminded of that faithful day.
*you never know how much it stil hurts thinkin back.
ps. i miss you still.
chacha*
that day came too fast
what were we suppose to do
you said we will brave through it all
one choice torn in two
i know what you were put through
and i thought we had it
we didn't have enough
we can't go back
we'll never go back
it feels the same
but smth is amiss.
just the lil smth that changes everything.
i will never have a complete heart to start with.
till now i still cant forget.
9:29 PM
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
& im goin to be the next ah neh chinese.
seriously its gettin up my nerves when pple come asking me if im a chinese.
and then asked am i really a chinese when im simply a true blue chinese.
okay yes,i admit im dark as in im tanned.
but wad can i do?im a SUN ATTRACTER u see.
im borned tan.
i wan to be fair like those girls but i just cant lahs!
roars.
the next time anyone come askin if im a chinese.
im just goin to tell u that im an ah neh chinese!!XD
time passes by so fast lahs.
2nd week of school luhs..
and thank god im slowly adapting to the lecturers monotonous voices that seems like lullaby to me.
and tryin to make myself awake and jotting down every notes that i should lahs.
im just tryin to listen real hard and concentrate luhs.
i wanna get b's and c's this sem can.
MOTIVATION!!
lolaaaaaa....
6 MORE DAYS TO PAY DAY.!
cant wait lahs.
the only thing i looked forward to for this week.
but ^%$#@$^&%&* .i hate CPF!u should know why luhs.
but daddy and mama says its gonna be good in future.
BE CONTENTED LINLIN:D
retail therapy soon!hoho!
i got a whole chunk of shopping list lahs
MICH JOANNNA EVELYN!!
SHOPPING DATES PLEASEEEEEEEE!!!
& a picture tells a thousand stories.
memories kept deep down.
past moved on, present looking forward.
forget the past and look forward to the present.
if you still realise im still standing here.
DAY DREAMIN OF THE DAY TO ARRIVE .
11:03 PM
Monday, October 22, 2007
& its hard to express the deepest feelings deep down.
its just not the same anymore.
the line is drawn very clearly.
like i said before.
so long as youre happy.
im happy for u.
11:00 PM
Sunday, October 21, 2007
my life is just like a drama.
so dramatic till i just cant differentiate whats right what wrong what true and what false.
all i know is someday i will come to realise the things i hold on to are just the pasts and i have moved on carryin the past with me.
leaving me with a burden thats is hindering me from trusting.
TRUST the basic in everything just seems too complicated to me.
i starts to query every goods that happens to me.
and i hate that feeling.
i dono how to express myself anymore
and only thru words i try to express but most of the time only i understand what lies deep within.
&dear angel of mine.
rip my memories apart and left me none to start with.
its killing me so much till i just wanna tear my heart out into pieces
11:56 PM
Friday, October 19, 2007
& im not very upset but just that im not happy.
i don even know why am i not happy with
its jus the emotions that lies within me
appearing to be happy when deep down i see no reasons in it.
but still at least for the very minimum i know why i smile deeply today.
im naive im gullible
give me tons of attentions and tts it u hit right at my soft spot.
but once u take me as a fool and i see thru ur ploy.
i will just take you as a dodo.
&after all this time,youre still able to make my heart skip a beat whenever i see your smile.
its just hard to forget. the memories engraved deep down just like the scar left on my right arm on ur birthday.
12:18 AM
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Everything seems surreal to me,whats left seems true nomore.
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never knew how afraid i was till the start of the night falls.
being alone and letting the thoughts run wild.
it keep piling up so much till im afraid .
i got tired of running away
as i couldnt run anymore.
draining myself tired from work just don help anymore
im drained out physically and mentally.
i lied down on my bed
the only place i seek my last comfort
i got even more petrified by the changes that happened around me.
everything seems so fast paced while im still stuck in my own world.
living in self denial.
living in the world filled with fences
i don dare to trust anymore.
its scary when i realise i don dare to trust anymore.
everything just seems so fake so unreal.
happy endings don happen to me.
good things always come to an end.
the smiles hanging on my face gets faker as each passin days.
sometimes i don even know why am i smiling or why do i even laugh like nobody biz.
its hard to hide its hard to be true.
and i finally understoood the true meaning to words are only words
give me a thousand million sweet nothings but actions seems otherwise jus don appeal to me.
don say one thing and do another.
its hard to trust now.
don blame me for not trustin you for its hard for me to trust.
i dono whats true what false whats right and what wrong
i only know that im afraid.
call me selfish call me mean
but thats how the things happenin around me changed me.
i don like it either.
12:11 AM
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
& i take bus come.
total random luhs.
i wanna get thru my internet i banking but i forget my userid.
asked for a new userid and dbs sent me a new password .
like wth. in fact i need both.. i forget both.
so now i gt password without userid wads the use mans.
randomly i just wonder if he rmbs it cos he was ther when i was applyin for it.
but i doubt so luhs.but owells.
i just need to know where does my money goes to luhs.
shall bug dbs tml again!STUPID CRAP SHIT!
for the past week i have been havin lack of slp luhs.
chalet work and gathering with lp peeps.
i seriously look like a panda and my dad just said that if a panda were to see me.
it is so gonna laugh at me lahs.
and he keep urgin me to get married so he don have to worry.
while mummy has been counting the number of "boyfrens" i have -.-
like what the hell.
DADDY! nobody wants me lahs.
hahas. but nonetheless i know you are just saying for fun.
daddy lil expensive girl now and then and forever!<3
i don really understand myself much for the past 4 mths but i guess im coping pretty well luhs.
independent linlin on the rise.
supporting herself and making herself emotionally independent.
having loads of hi bye frens is what she always have but only the few that will last .
its the ones whom i can truely bare my feelings to and the ones whom i feel comfortable with.
school is startin and im so looking forward to it.
but i just hope i cant just juggle btwn work school frens and my family!
loves,
xoxo
&whatever it takes,to turn this around.
i know the life you chose.
i wrapped everything nicely to put an end to it.
a closure i gave myself.
its still the smile in you that makes me smile.
i wished i could stay but i think i will just leave
cos its better this way for you and me.
u lead ur life,i lead mine.
junefourth.
morethanthree
FULLSTOP
1:30 AM