Thursday, August 30, 2007
wan zai xiao man tou;vicks;donuts and chrysanthemun tea
mich and yan hua surprise visit touched me(:
loves.
down with fever and sorethroat.
slept in shivers woke up in tears.
what really happens i dono.
the nightmares were so clear
i tried to remember whatever i dreamt of
but all i remember was seeing someone holding your hand but that girl wasnt me anymore.
i cried and i cried.
the scenes just kept changing.
the fears still instilled deep down.
i wan to care i wan to be there
but all i get was rejections time and again.
i can easily adapt to changes in every areas,
but i simply cant adapt the changes that is happenin in my life right now.
i cant adapt to ur departure even till now.
but so what if i cant adapt,you aint able to be back to me anymore.
would you even bother how much i cant take all these changes.
would you even feel hurt cos of how much you hurt me.
you just chose to avoid and hide all the unhappiness for as long as you could.
you can do it but i cant.
i held the memories tight;
wonder if it still makes u smile when u thought of it.
wonder if it aches you to leave the past behind.
or rather theres nothing that you missed in the past noe anymore
many asked me to let go of you cos they see a never cuming back answer from the things that you do.
i tried very hard to let go.but im just not doin enough to forget.
i know my emotions lies in deep within myself but i just cant help to let emotions overwhelm me.
and one day i got numb by everything,i guess someday i will just be fine.
i need someone to shine my gloom
bring up the confidence again
pat my head and tell me everything will be just fine.
dealing with the stranger i see in you
aint easy at all.
instead it was pretty draining.
the looks u gave me jus make me crumbles.
i thought of why everything become this way.
i started to blame myself for making that particular decision that day you came back.
but why cant i be given a chance to atone for my mistakes.
i did wrong u did wrong too.
i swept my ego my pride to mend the cracks but all i get is rejections yet again.
and tonight im missing you all over again.
the feelings sucks as i allow the tears to roll down.
i wanted to msg you but i just cant deal with the coldness you give me.
the one i used to call baby is long gone.
long gone.
did you realise the moment you left,you took a big piece of me away.
i aint complete anymore.
10:09 PM
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
exams ended and i felt like a total wreck.
i din show them out but deep down im worried but wad can i do.
its always the case whenever i tried my best to do smth
it jus turn out lousy.
owell..things shall just left unsaid.
bye.
sick and tired physically and mentally.
11:19 PM
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Michelle, with love
No matter it's a facade or the real LinLin that I'm facing,
I just hope one fine day you'll put everything down,
look into my eyes and tell me you've move on without him.
I know you can do it,
it's just a matter of time & determination you've to give.
No point holding on to something that won't be back
and doesn't belong to you anymore.
Memories are heartaches,
no one can heal.
They are meant to be kept aside.
Cause no matter how much you miss the past,
it won't be back again.
I'll seat quietly and wait for the day to arrive.
The day when you tell me everything's gonna be fine.
The smile that you give me will be real,
the laughter that you voice will be from your heart.
No matter how long it takes,
there's just one thing I want you to know,
I'll always be here for you through thick and thin.
I can't assure to draw a smile on your face,
But I promise that when you need someone,
I'll be by your side.
Even thought we're at two ends of singapore,
I'm just a distance call away for comfort.
I can't promise tomorrow will be a better day.
But when your day is blue, I'll try to make it bright.
It's never easy letting go,
but I'll walk through this toughest journey with you!
Yours sincerely,
Michelle (:
<3
12:51 AM
&myriad of colours;
my loves.
miss total mis-match.thats me.
i smell liberations soon.
jus one more day.(:
12:46 AM
Sunday, August 26, 2007
&What's a person to do,when all they can do is,watch from afar.
You brought me to a whirl of pieces of dream.
When i look into your eyes, so many dreams i feel,
Knewing it will never come true, i kept searching, and hoping.
Hurt but pretending, it will be real.
I press rewind and remember when.
Everything switches to a state of unfeelingness and dream-less.
It was only a beginning, but the time has come.
Now, I'm alone at the crossroad like a helpless child,
i don't know where i belong, but i'll be moving on.
Hear my dream i pray.
Give my tomorrows for one yesterday.
short-lived but once & always, a moment to remember
i never tried my best to forget about you about everything that has happened and has ended.
i may seem to be moving on pretty well but yups everyone have a facade. i jus chose to stop pondering so much.Because,things still lies in a state of nothingness, a state of conclusion-less maybe to me i supposed. I need a closure badly from you. Everything seems to be still, but lost. I've never knew what's good for me or rather im just deluding myself, but there just seems to be too much to erase. It's heart-wrenching and afraid to think of the consequences.I merely thought we could be what we were, putting what will grew out from us aside. After so much confessions, it's so hard to go back, it's never coming back. And yet at this point in time, i'm still clueless, clueless, just like how a fool works. Many a times, i chose to let go, and let everything lies in it's moments.
Once dawn breaks, it'll be it's time to wake up girl, wake up from your dream.
thats the kind of life i have leading for the past 2 months.
never knew when it will end but all i know its drainin myself pretty much.
&i messaged you hoping you wud give me motivation to study on fri.
but i only received your reply few hours later but i sent a reply that i know wont have a reply.
do you know many a time i hated you so much for leavin me in such state but i guess youre just tryin hard to make me fade off the feelings for you.
but at the other hand,i was thinking if it hurts you when u hurt me.
but darling,if you realised and if u really understand me.
i told you before, to me youre the world no matter how harsh you were to me.
nothing gonna make me give up.but i guess it aint worth it.
bian ti ling shang de wo,cong na tian qi jiu wu fa zai ai ling yi ge ren.
2 more papers to go to the holidays.
holidays aint a thing for me now.
all i gotta do is to slog my life during the holidays by working.
i hope i wished that i will really be fine after that 6 weeks.
10:40 PM
Friday, August 24, 2007
[&crash and burn,stand and fall.somehow she has it coming.]
seriously i think i really am goin insane,some kind of split mental personality.
i hate the fact that my mood swings from one day to another.
bearing 2 extreme different answers to what im searching for.
its like i got a happy elf on my left while a souless elf on the other.
some said i was different way different from the linlin that they used to know.
the strong cheerful linlin seems to disappear into thin air 2 months ago.
but some just donte know the truth that she din really disappear.
its just that the true her din surface at all for the past few years.
she is just someone who tries to put up a smile on her face cos she dont like to divulge her inner soul to others cept for some.
she is not wad she appears to be.she isnt as strong as wad many see her as.
there are many things that is hidden beneath that smiley face.
but 2 mths ago, the deeper side of her jus surface to many.
and she aint able to cope with feelings she had inside.
repetitions to how everything ended, left with a hardened hard.
she was once a leaf fightin hard to stay on the tree for support but somehow,
circumstances changes. time proves that the leaf can no longer cling on to the tree,
like how morning glories cling onto the fences to fight for the sunlight that they sought.
someday the morning glory just have to depend on itself cos time and tide will cause the fence to corrode and rot away .
just like her beliefs which she sought,the things she fight for in the end turns out to be nothing.
the moment everything ended with no explanations.
she tried to sought for explanations and she jus realises that many flaws which surface durin the whole 1 year has constantly been shoved away till one fine day,everything got choked up,one party finds it hard to solve it and theres goes the whole r/s. or rather its pretty obvious that no two person really has the same meaning toward something.
jus like how everyone is looking for the perfect partner to love to care to shower concern yet perfection a word seems too wide a definition to many. for the perfect guy i define as may cum along but i may not be the perfect person to be loving him at all.
after sayin so much i guess nobody really understand wad im tryin to bring forward.
i don get wad im feeling either.but its okay..somehow i will get better tml i guess(:
people wanna know why im so cold, why im so hard inside. i've been waiting, i've been searching, i've been hoping, i've been dreaming.what am i afraid of? what am i scared of? i don't even know, i just know i am.everything is changing there's nothing left that's real. nobody told me what to hide. nobody told me what to say. nobody showed me where to turn, showed me where to runaway. when you shoved it in my face, the pain inflicted to me. can you take it all away?did u hear the fact that my life is over?in fact its over when that faithful day arises.its over for good!im left with a hardened heart.or rather a heart which is so used to the many rejections that i faced.
%it wasnt easy letting go,cos till now i still crumble and fall after 2 mths.
10:39 PM
Sunday, August 19, 2007
I didn't think that I could feel this pain
Until I saw the stranger that was you
Whatever happened to our innocence
Could it be that nothing's gonna change
Cause time has got a way of taking back
Everything i thought i had
The one i lost when i let go of
I need to wake up from this state of mind
The situation is the same kind
I gotta get our memories out of my head
would you catch me if I were to fall,
would you wipe away the tears that i shed,
would you even find the time for that at all
people asking how I'm doing
But every question still has you in
every words i breathe stil has you in
I say I'm fine & I never think about you
But you're always on my mind
&i hate that fact.
&all that i wanna you to know was:
we don't need to go that far
let's hold on to where we are
if it's real we'll make it through
cause all I need is you
Baby, let me in your heart once more
allow me to be there like before
before we fall apart
i miss you still.
but it doesnt matter anymore.
the answer is clear for ure never coming back.
11:13 PM
everytime is the same old shit.
i tried i failed and i crumble.
if the amount of time i needed to heal is the time i took to love him.
den i guess it will take a lifetime cos it will take quite a long time before i decided to stop loving him.
i know continue doing whatever im doing now wont do me any good.
it will only caused me to feel miserable cos he have decided to leave me.
i tried to be happy but it wil be the same old shit again when i start to think about it.
the past the memories the moments.
u left me with nothin but a dead connection.
&i miss you,stranger.
12:15 AM
Saturday, August 18, 2007
kbox singing session.
chinese songs are darn emo.
i cried & i slept.
woke up the happy linlin is back again.
studied @ ms food court open area was fun with mich evon and tim.
he went to Q for donuts ALONE for his girlf and us.
hoho. loving donuts mans(:
fireworks was great.
but fireworks don last long in the sky, good things always come to an end.
emo-ed again. but itsy bitsy song cheered me up(:
rollarcoaster feelings today.
and im sure tml will be a better day(:
&im still sick with flu.
sorethroat gone!(:
1:01 AM
Thursday, August 16, 2007
I, I dont know why i miss you so much
Yeah I, I dont know why I still feel your touch
You, you left me feeling high and dry
With nothing, nothing but the question why
Yeah you, I guess you had another direction
And leaving me with nothing but a dead connection
words are easy to convince but actions aint easy to achieve.
i pass by the same road very often this week and i tink again.
12:20 AM
Monday, August 13, 2007
If you wander off too far, my love will get you home.
If you follow the wrong star, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.
If the bright lights blinds your eyes, my love will get you home.
If your troubles break your stride, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.
If you ever feel ashamed, my love will get you home.
When there's only you to blame, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home,
Boy, my love will get you home.
&i finally found the song that i wanna send it to you.
but its all too late.
you gave up on us despite the fact you asked me to not give up on you initially.
i reminisence on the past.
but the hurts jus overwhelm me.
i don have the courage to face you.
the same old streets we used to walk.
the buses we used to take.
zerofourzerosix;
i will take the route slowly to give you up.
the only thing besides my precious ;the anklet whereever i go.
12:20 AM
Saturday, August 11, 2007
sometimes as i reminisence i tot of the good times.
but as i think back,there were some indifferences in between us.
but we just leave it at the back till one fine day everything floods back
and thats when we end the journey together.
maybe we are both better off without each other.
you know it best yourself,i don wanna be seen as forcing you thru everything.
i know myself well enough to at least know wad i want.
maybe someday i will be able to face you just like before.
12:32 AM
Thursday, August 9, 2007
&one day,she will be as strong as the poles which are for the pole dancers.
suddenly i got this sense of urgency when it comes to my studies.
i have been gettin pretty long schedules that are killing me.
afraid that it will affect my exams i asked for a week leave
but owell jus gotta compromise by workin one day tt week i guess.
sure gonna mug this time round.
no more emo attacks as compared to 2 mths ago.
after conquering 21st,23rd,27th and 29th.
i will be officially off for my holidays till oct 14th:D
i shall slog my heart out to work and also do some catching up with lovelies.(:
book me a week before so that i can request to spend a whole day with you guys!
hoho.much loves.
&she realise,words are only words unless you make true ur words with actions.
aint gonna trust words that easily anymore.
you instill a fear in me.
but someday im gonna conquer it.
with those words u breathed that killed me
11:44 PM
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
i said before that i will just stay away from the cyber world cos i will be so caught up with muggings and works but yet i can still be seen online everyday.guess it has become a habit for me to come online already luhs.
study break started and i haven really get my head into mugging.
working schedule keeps piling and somehow im just afraid that the number of days i work will just clash with my revision.
but nonetheless,at the very most i will forsake my beauty sleep till exams end luhs.
i have got so many things i wanna get in mind,so many things i wanna do,and so many words i wished i have a chance to breathe.
but i think i shall just let the words that i wished to breathe be kept as a secret that nobody knows.(:
&& i cut my hair yet again,
yes many might have heard me saying that i wanna have long hair luhs.
but yups.this time im cutting it for a refresh start of my life.!
i will continue growing it luhs.
mich rmb wad i said?
if guys who like me to have short hair,they should go to my right side,
but should they prefer me with long hair,they shud rush to my left side!HAHAS!
michytearx! will be ur linsTISSUEX to wipe away ur tears!(:
exclusive best fren;lonuts&humjipan
evon:i told you before the day you open up to me,i promise i will never shut you up.continue ranting wadever stuffs u had to me,i promise i wont shun u away(:
& she wished it was him who caught her.
sometimes i jus get so coiled up in the pool of feelings,
i jus try to select those which i wished to have.
or rather im jus locking myself up in a place nobody will know my deepest feelings.
i told you before the worst thing that i have ever done was to let you go despite the fact that my feelings for u is still there and it has never faded away.
but then i guess it doesnt matter much to you anymore.
you asked me to think simple cos everything is actually very simple.
so i asked you a simple question but yet the answer is pretty expected.
and again you claims that im forcing you.
seriously i dono wad so difficult in answering me a yes or no answer or rather you aint sure abt it yourself.
all these while, if you were to realise i have somehow forgotten the bad memories of the breakups,instead i remembers the good things that had happened for the past one year.
and im just glad you have crossed along my path of life (:
alright pple,
am off for bubble bath den some revision for comms skills paper tml luhs(:
much loves *
8:04 PM
Sunday, August 5, 2007
wad lies on the surface of the family,
everyone knows.
a happy family which many envy.
but wad lies beyond the family,
nobody knows.
only those who lives in it knows.
wad lies on the surface of me,
to many i hold a smile everyday.
but wad lies beyond me deep down,
nobody knows.
all she knows is that she just gotta hide all the deepest feelings,
cos someday she will learn to be strong again.
&learn to smile like she used to be.
cos the pillar of support jus left before she have the chance to adapt to the changes.
i waited for the bus at ur hse bus-stop,
i was tired and gradually i stoned there.
tears jus rollded down as my mind allows the memories to rewind.
i need to wake up from all the illusions that i have.
LIN LIN,YOU JUST GOTTA WAKE UP
12:30 AM
Friday, August 3, 2007
&if only you could see me thru,you wud noe i never left.
tired tired.
i guess i really wont be coming online as often as i used to be startin next week already.
exams are just around the corner luhs plus i got tons of work schedule out of the blue.
new branch jus opened and so does the number of hours i get to work.
but no whining cos more work more money..besides holidays are cuming..gotta adapt too(:
thats my new love;lonuts.
mich caught it for me at her first attempt(:
thanks mich.
shortly mich got addicted and she caught the nxt one.
and its called humjipan.(:
humjipan and lonuts equals me and mich.
exclusive best fren WORX
lols.
yesterday's night out with mich weida xinyi and elena was great.
talk about r/s probs and althou it gets me emo.
but yeahs. i like the way they can express themselves between frens.
loves their companions luh.
more ecp please(:
but for the time being i think i jus gotta take nyp lib as my second home tgt with mich.
mug mug mug!(:
green tea ; muggin must haves.
you said you forget abt going home with me tonight.
was it me thinking too much or is it jus another excuse.
i chose not to read too deep into it.
was bathing and as the water wash thru the wound i got from the notes
it stings like nobody biz.
i tot i couldnt find the cut anymore but still its there and it stings doubly painful
when i got the cut.
but as i continue to wash the cut with water it starts to get me numb.
afterall i guess,it applies to how i feel too.
theres a wound deep down but i just keep brushing thru the wound for jus one last chance to heal it.but i jus
failed and disappointments and hurts inflicted.
i guess gradually it will heal as time flies by.
we both got hurt but i guess i just couldnt give you the understandin that you wan.
i failed and i felt lousy.
&it could have been our 14th month if you were still here with me.
june-fourth two-thousand-zero-six.
11:57 PM
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
I crave a certain medicine
To destroy this monster
Inside it tears me apart
Leaving me restless
With no one to rely on
I need something to relieve
From the torment bottled up inside
From the rushing craze
Speeding through my veins
A medicine to slow
Slow the endless torture
So my veins wont explode
So my heart wont burst
Just rescue me from the pain
Thats about to kill me
i feigned a broken smile infront of you but yet i mind the words u breathed to me.
i disappoint myself time and again and make pple ard me disappointed in me.
if moving on means finding someone else,i tink i haven moved on after all.
i’d rather chew on broken glass, than keep on living in the past.
And waste my time on replaying the words i know you never meant
I look in the mirror and see nothing but shadows
The clouds hang over my head
And all I can picture is you.
period-
(emoshits)
allow me to rant wadever expressions in blog for i see noway i can express them properly to you.
im lousy i guess aftall.
11:53 PM