many words i wished i have the chance to say to you
(but i lost the courage the moment i look into ur eyes)
many things i wished i have the chance to do it with you
(but i lost the chances since the day u left)
wads left of me is wad you see under the smile.
if you can see thru me for jus this once.
you would noe jus how much you meant to me.
it was never easy for me to say goodbye to you,first love.
but i will try cos i have already swipe off all my dignity and pride down
but it jus doesnt matter.
imy):
You sat me down beside myself
To show me all the reasons
I was wrong for you
Was this for real?
It's hard to tell
'Cause it was such a beautiful mess we had got into

I'm gonna overcome this, paper hearts can't win this time
And all along I should have known this wasn't your dream, it was mine
I know you wanted me to give up this life to be
Everything I was back when you had the hands my heart was in

I was never good at goodbye...
Can I swallow this bottle whole?
So this brain in my head can forget your face

When we were starting out, you believed in me without a doubt
You were the finest thing to happen to a boy like me
It's so much harder now, I wanna try and tell you how
There is so much love in me, even though it's hard to see

And I was never good at goodbye...
Can I swallow this bottle whole?
So this brain in my head can forget your face
Can I swallow this bottle whole?
'Cause I'd rather be dead than make more mistakes

Today I couldn't stay awake
Feels like I'm drowning in this firewater lake
I won't be sleeping much tonight
It's not the same without you lying by my side
(Right beside me)

I know you wanted me to give up my life to be
(Can I swallow this bottle whole?)
Everything I am when you're the only thing that I can see
(Can I swallow this bottle whole?)
I'm sorry but you're not the, not the only one for me
(So this brain in my head can forget your face)

You left me here beside myself
Left me with all the reasons why I was wrong for you



the song jus depicts how i feel.
a 5 message long sms wraps everything up.
words left unsaid unheard untold shall jus left as it is.


i tried


























































































bangla-s love my flat butt. :X




disappointments sum them all up.
shall just pack all the memories good or bad into a safe chest
throw it into the sea and bid goodbye.
no more heartaches.
wad lies ahead nobody knows.
jus let TIME tells.




nights pple.





to mich mich:
no matter what i will still love you.
i will stand by you as u stand by me
bear hug everytime i see u ,thats my promise(:
love love
living each single day with no aim.
or rather jus passin each day blindly.
deluding myself into sleepin so long as i wan to forget momentarily.
but at the end of the day wad do i even get.
i get all the disappointments i had in myself.
wads so hard in letting go.
wads so hard in not holding on.
wad so hard in doin every single thing that will make me feel better.
i really dono why do i even land myself in such a state.
making myself and the people around me disappointed.
im old enough sensible enough to think for myself
but yet im just acting like some small kid
throwin tantrums at myself jus to get the one.
there are the reasons that makes us go seperate ways
there are the many things i just cant let them go
the memories the every single little thing that stays on since a year ago.
there are times when i feel that i got things to say but yet i see no purpose anymore.
i no longer dare to bare my feelings to you and i hate that feelin very much.
cos i noe the more i wan to let you noe how i feel the more you will runaway from me.
but now things get alil better but so what.
its the reality that you have already gone way beyond my vision.
i look at you with the same vision but you look away from me.
i need you the most at this crucial period but you werent there anymore.
im jus crumbling down till the pitfall.
with nothing left to salvage.
i hate the way im leading my life now.
even the mornin glory needs the fences for support.
i still needs a support aftall.

















to xoxo,
one month has past,and yes i still cant forget.
i stopped baring my feelings to you cos i noe u will jus runaway from me.
i decided to give you time to think but did u even give me the time to adapt to ur departure.
the moments i need you right now,i couldnt even find you.
im afraid of rejections.
and i know very well the moments i said i will give you time.
everything jus gonna change.
i thank you for wadever you have given to me.
but somehow im jus pretty upet at the fact when i decided to open up to u during my weakest period of time.u were there to guide me
but in jus a short period of time,the one i open up to jus left me all alone.
the frens around me cheerin me on helpin me to move on jus cant replace the emptiness you left me.
baby,i need you but does it even matters to you anymore.
you said you don like to see me cry but now im crying again becos of you.
would you even bother?







have you forgotten about me,
have you forgotten about the times we spent,
have you forgotten the lil names we have for each other,
have you forgotten how much i rely on you for support,
have you forgotten how much you loves me for the past 1 year,
have you forgotten about the many promises you gave me,
every single lil thing i haven forgotten but will it matters anymore.
baby,i still believes in you.
nothing gonna change till i actually decides to and set my mind onto it;








and i wonder jus why is it so hard.
maybe wadever is happening now,
leaves me with no more to hold onto.
one moment is sunshine and one moment its storm.
i chose to surpress the feelings deep down.
i no longer knows where to hide.
i no longer knows where to seek comfort.
i fell deep down in the pitfall again and again.
inflicting bruises all around.
at the end of the day,i just realised it doesnt matters at all.


















one month ago,i was in the midst of the little red book.
one month later it's still not completed and it never will be.
its my wish to hand it to you but i doubt i will ever accomplished it.
supposed to be a book of happy memories but as days passes by,
it jus gets more heart breaking.period-
let it be in my safekeeping for my reminsence den.
the photos, the movies tabs the every single little things.
at the end of the day,
you know i still miss you.
i still need you but ure beyond my boundary anymore.


i lost the motivation to blog anymore
as the thoughts in my mind are pretty much wrecked.
maybe i should leave the bloggin world for sometime since it doesnt help me in releasing my stuffs.
till den luhs.
pictures pictures pictures




let the pictures do the talking luhs.ENJOY:D

the girlies who make me smile and forget abt everything.

loves loves.











































really glad that you sms me tonight.
and i finally could reply you without a sigh of regrets.
i wished you well.
someday if we are meant to meet again,i know we would.
take great care.


























sunday;
its the end of the week yet again.
time do passes by so fast ,or rather so fast til somehow we couldnt even keep up to the pace.
and you would wished that you can actually rewind til the happiest moments of ur life and jus paused it as that.
but when reality overcomes you, you jus gotta face up to the fact that we have to look forward instead of leaving your thoughts run wild in the past.

lost in transition would be the phrase to describe where i am these few weeks.
trying to use smiles to pretend that everything doesnt matter anymore.


&& when every single song i listen to jus reflects on the deepest emotions.
it just kept me wondering back why do i even try so hard to let go.
for the slightest thing jus keep rewinding again and again.
people come and go as and when they like but memories are wad stays beneath.
the most unforgettable memories are the ones shared by the most loved.
to leave them aside takes alot of struggles to do so.
for one will tend to step into the box of memories in and out and the struggle carries on so long
till it comes to a point,you know you are swimming in dangerous water and its either u get saved or u drowned yourself.
but everyone knows very well, someday somehow time wil be the remedy for all hurts.
but time has been such a bitch in consolation.
it contradicts pretty much like wad humans alway do.






















to some i have already pretty much trying my best to move on and leave the memories to be kept.
but deep down i know im still afraid of how things happen so fast.
memories regrets sadness happiness disappointments all the different feelings are jus kept in the deepest inner side of me.
im pretty much afraid of the emptiness deep down in me .
pretty much afraid of being alone for it jus let my thoughts run wild.
pretty much afraid of walkin back the paths we used to walk.
pretty much afraid that i sill miss you and realised it doesnt matter anymore.
or rather im pretty afraid of everything that is happenin to me.
but it comes to a point when i tink again.
so what if im afraid ,who is there to be the comfort and tells me everything gonna be alright.
you used to be the one but now youre gone.
wad im left is myself to tuck myself to sleep and assuring myself the nxt day will be better.
filling my life to the utmost fullest to make myself feel not so empty.
allowing other people to come into my life yet again but shun them aside cos i know wadever im doin now is jus to get a replacement to fill the empty spot you left me with.
and at the end of the day ,i know i will hurt another innocent soul.






im jus a stubborn stupid dumb weak bitch
i try way too hard to do everything.
im supposed to be doing my report but i don have the mood to do so.
and so im here blogging.

saw this disgustin couple while working mans.
but at the same time,got the feelin of jealousy
alright.i mus be used to seein couples being so lovey dovey.
linlin please wake up from ur senses lahs!
dumb bitch!
i tink i shud get back to report else im jus goin to drag it longer and deadline is on monday!
wish me lucks pple.









thanks daniel!
for sendin me home althou u live so far away.CCK!
cos u noe im scared of goin home alone.WAHAHS
lizards ya noe!:D
thanks mans.
u shud be honoured to see ur name here can.
backed ;

due to popular demand,im back in blogger yet again.
like as if thou.
anyway came back to blogger and seems foreign to the template stuff luhs.
got yuting to help me with it mans. thanks girl.(:


life has really been like rainy days these few weeks.
right,many things happen so fast til i couldnt grasp it.
yes,everything ended but it still seems like yesterday when cold war started and we're still in contact.
but now everything seems different very much different.
have been having on and off mood flatuations these weeks.
thank god i had frens around me to move me on and make me feel not tt lonely.
you guys noe who you are luhs.
words might not be expressed as to how much i love you guys for being there for me but the deepest feelings are to be felt by the heart :D
thanks.



but i guess life still have to go on despite the fact that i am still holding on to the memories.
hoping for a chance to be able to talk it out and plan it out.
but somehow i don get the chance at all.
and i realised something pretty much true.

guys are always like that.
its not they cant reply u,or they ignore u,
but they choose topics to reply to u.
if ur topic is something tat they feel nice toking,
they reply.
but if its sumthing they might get guilty,
or don't know how to face u,
they ignored.
but does they know,
those that they dun wish to reply,
are important to the gers?



i guess you knows abt it.
knows the fact that im dying for an answer.
but nothing could make you talk at all.
it makes me sad initially den disappointments and many a time it jus make me numb.
words hidden in heart,and when i bring it out,
its like so long later till i couldnt take anymore.
yet all i get is silence.
wad can i do?
accept it.tts all i can.
coz the respect and love are still there.
and i noe very well,
the more i search for an answer,the more you drift apart.






i guess i shud really bring myself back
brace myself up cos many people love me(:
i am tryin hard and i believe i will survive the ordeal luhs.
time is all that i need and someday i will understand why everything turns out this way.
gotta brush up on my exams which is in few weeks time.
then off to holidays.
work and enjoyments.
love love.







































to you:
today might be the last time im goin to text you.
until one day u starts to text me again.
i cant take the avoidance the silence between us.
if wadever you are doing now is enough to heal the aches in ur heart,carry on.
i dono if u have moved on smoothly without me but wadever it is.
i once say it before,if you are happy i am happy too.
i worry abt you but you wont even noe it cos i couldnt bring myself to express myself to say it to you.
but if you still needs me,a call is all you need to get me accompaning you.
for you make me learn a lesson:
loving you has never been my regret and now we arent together,i am still loving you jus that i have to do it without having you by my side.
fate brought us together but yet obstacles brought us apart,
if someday we are still meant for each other, we will.
so long as youre happy with ur life now.im happy for you really.

many words i wished i have the chance to say to you
(but i lost the courage the moment i look into ur eyes)
many things i wished i have the chance to do it with you
(but i lost the chances since the day u left)
wads left of me is wad you see under the smile.
if you can see thru me for jus this once.
you would noe jus how much you meant to me.
it was never easy for me to say goodbye to you,first love.
but i will try cos i have already swipe off all my dignity and pride down
but it jus doesnt matter.
imy):